It's hard to write content.

I recently came across the saying "Being happy is a choice." I always felt like that was bullshit. I felt like happiness often depends on your environment. It depends on the people who are around, and inside your life. It depends on the amount of stress in your life. It depends, it depends, it depends... For a vast majority of my life I have been living it not necessarily for others, but more for others approval. I have always done things that will make my parents proud. That my friends would approve of and enjoy. What strangers and people I don't care about would laugh at or find amusing. I was so consumed in myself, that I was willing to do things that make me unhappy for the satisfaction of others. Which I always thought was a selfless thing. I always felt a sense of entitlement because I was so "selfless".
I was so drawn out on others approval, that I couldn't make simple day to day decisions. When asked where I would like to eat, or what movie I would like to see I would always answer "I don't care. Whatever you want to do." Because I was willing to sit through an awful movie, or eat unsatisfactory food if it made this other person happy. I always felt in my heart that this was a good thing to be doing. This was something that is very rare in the world. And now that I am saying this out loud, I realize how crazy that is.
When people ask me what I like to do for fun, I always draw a blank. I don't know what I like to do. I like to do whatever my friends like to do. Play Xbox, cards, watch movies, road trip, gamble, anything my friends are doing, that's what I like to do. Which makes me sound like I don't have a personality. I know of a few things that I love to do; Eat. Sleep. Listen to music. Above all, I know for sure that I love to do these things. But I don't know of any hobbies. And that much is sad.
See, I always felt like in order to be happy, a set amount of things has to happen. Regardless of what they may be. I got in a fight at a concert a while back, and I was happy for a long time after that. It was like finally closing the door on that point of my life. Or eating a delicious meal in San Francisco made me very happy. Too often I rest my happiness contingently on events that are far out of my control. I could go to several concerts, and may not meet an enemy of mine in the pit. I could go back to the same restaurant in San Francisco and it may not be as good. I feel like this is a fault line of mine, and where this "Happiness is a choice" can come into play.
If you are like me and dwell on bizarre events of the day, and either let them make you or destroy you, there is a lot to be said about choosing to be happy. See in my simple opinion, You can dwell on the things that make you unhappy, or things that make you happy. You can focus on the hardships in your life, or the things that make your life awesome. In essence, happiness IS a choice.
Laying aside all the events that make you unhappy, and things that are beyond your control, I have learned one valuable lesson. When you run into seemingly unbearable hardships, which we all do, how you deal with it is totally up to you. I have learned that the depth of your mourning and sorrow is totally upon your head. If you do like I have been doing for the past several months, you may never get over it. If you lock yourself in a dark room alone for several hours, if you listen to sad music for extended periods of time, if you watch movies that play on your sad emotions, if you never make an effort to get better, you never will. I feel like hiding under the covers or ignoring the monster under your bed wont make him go away. However, getting out of bed and walking to where he cant follow you might.
I guess what I am getting at is, don't be a bitch like I was (am). Don't mope around your house for days on end. Don't listen to sad sack music so much that you can repeat every depressing detail about the song. Don't shut your friends and family out when you need them the most. Don't get hung up on something that is beyond your control. And most of all, don't let it consume and change you. Get up. Get out. Get better.
I am in no way a motivational speaker. But I have had this on my mind a lot recently. And it is my deepest wish that no one has to fight the same fights that I have, in the same depressed way that I have. I just wanted to put this out there. You can love it or hate it. I don't care anymore.

Reasons To Stay Fat

I was browsing Facebook the other day and came across someone I knew from high school. The first words that came out of my mouth upon seeing this persons photos was: "Holy shit! She got fat!" I probably shouldn't say that about people I at one point had an  intimate relationship with, but oh well I guess. I got to thinking about what people might say about me when they see my most recent pictures. I basically concluded that they would probably say "Well, he looks the exact same."  One of the many benefits I have concluded about being fat in high school is that people wont say degrading things about my weight when they see me now. Cause I am virtually the same bearded loud mouth I was 5 years ago in high school. Eat that.
This lead me to start thinking about some of the other benefits about being fat. Since they are in abundance, I will spell them out for you.
With Thanksgiving coming up, people expect you to eat a lot. You don't have to be polite or dainty by any means. You can stuff your face violently and often, and no one will think twice about it. Too often I hear people ask thin people "Where do you put all that food? Do you have a hollow leg?" They don't have to ask me where I put my food. They know it goes right to my ass.
It's acceptable to take up more than one seat in public places. When another seat opens up in an airplane or bus, more often than not, the idiot that is sitting next to you will sit there, so as to not be crammed with your lard ass on that seat.
Your clothing choices are often limited. Some may think that this is an issue, but with so many choices, how do you ever find what is best? When you have to shop at Lane Bryant like I do, it makes picking out clothes easy. And in the off chance you shop elsewhere, their plus sizes are usually scoured, so you have only a few choices. When I go shopping, I am usually done long before my idiot friends are because I have seen everything in my size. Twice.
You fit in at buffets.
Your ride choices are sometimes limited at amusement parks to make your choices easier.
It's much easier to break a sweat when on a "Workout" plan.
Eating healthy can mean anything.
People don't question you when you ride a jazzy around Wal Mart
If/when you lose weight, it's usually way more noticeable than an average sized person.
Using the handicap stalls in bathrooms is always nice, and you can justify that.
Going back for fourths is always greeted warmly by the chefs (Although you may just be extra hungry)
They say that you will die sooner, but then you will have to deal with less idiots. Bonus.

Being Fat And Other Talents

I was talking with my friend recently, and he expressed to me the reason he won't be getting married any time soon by saying, "girls don't like me because I am immature." (Which is  paradoxical, because girls are horribly immature.) I laughed, but retorted by saying "Girls don't like me because I am fat. At least one day you will grow out of being immature, I will ALWAYS be fat."

We had a good laugh, And I remembered one of the conversations I was eavesdropping on during my math class the other day. I hate listening to people, and usually have my headphones in. I say that to better explain myself if you have the misfortune of seeing me on campus. Anyway, there is a bunch of dweebs in my math class, and they all sit on the front row, which makes them all the more dweeb like. Even though I sit on the back row alone, with the occasional company of some Asian girl who usually sleeps through class. These dopes were having a conversation, and it was something along these lines. "The reason I am fat is because I come from a long line of Vikings. We have been bred by natural selection for generations to survive harsh Scandinavian winters. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change my physique. I will be fat until I die." I scoffed aloud, because I believe the same thing. The reason I know I am bred for harsh winters, is due to the fact that I am covered in hair and fat. I feel like if there were ever a cold front to come across the US, you would all be frozen to death, and I would be ransacking your local Taco Bells. Naked. Not having lost a pound, and treating every day as if it were normal. I once shaved for an interview, and grew my beard back in a matter of ten days. I could make a onesie out of my beard in about a year, and be looking like something out of Where The Wild Things Are.

I guess what I'm getting at is that everyone has cool things about them, and everybody has things about them that suck. My friend might be immature, but he's pretty damn buff, and handsome. Not to mention one of the coolest and most genuine dudes I know. I am big boned, but I can grow a nice beard, and have a knack for creating swear words and making things horribly uncomfortable. Plus I have a sophisticated palate, and great taste in music. 

At the end of the day, I wonder how people would feel when their significant other can't survive a zombie apocalypse, vampire takeover, werewolf outbreak, cold front, or just when shit gets crazy and people are killing each other off. I hope most people are happy with their choices in a significant other, but I hope they regret the shit out of it when their lovers handsome face can't save itself from being eaten by something out of your nightmares. This isn't an attack on anyone. I just want to raise awareness to guys, you should sharpen your skills.

Sports (Smack) Talk

I think being competitive by nature is a blessing and a curse. I think if used in a productive way, it can be a good thing. You can use it as a sense of drive and determination. However, I don't use it for anything even remotely productive. More than anything I use it as a crutch for being a dick. "Oh, sorry I called you a son of a whore and that I said I was going to brutally murder you and your whole family. Heat of the moment, you know?" *Sheepish smile* Then flip the bastard off and walk away serenely.
I actually coached 7th grade football this year. And being horribly competitive almost put me in the hospital. 7th grade boys are about as smart and understanding as puppies. They do whatever the hell they want, regardless of how much you yell and scream. Even as competitive and mean as I was in practice, I was substantially worse in games. As a coach. It was hard for me to shake hands with the opponent after we would lose. AS A COACH. While I would say "Good game fellas, good work." In my brain, I was calling them all unlearned hillbillies and cheap little bastards. Maybe this is a product of being a poor loser, but I don't really differentiate the two.
Probably the biggest run in that I find in my life is professional sports. Now, I'm not going to beat around the bush, So I have compiled a list of professional teams that I actually hate. Not dislike, I hate them.

Los Angeles Dodgers
New York Yankees
Boston Red Sox
Miami Heat
Los Angeles Lakers
San Diego Chargers
Oakland Raiders
New England Patriots
The Shield (A WWE reference if you are ignorant. Which I assume most of you are.)

Now I won't go into why I hate these teams. Other than they are assholes. Sometimes it's fanbase, sometimes it players. Most times its both.
I think my biggest issue is, I care way too much about professional sports. The truth is, everyone does. I have come to realize many years, and hair loss too late, that regardless of how much you gloat, stress, talk, badmouth rivals, post on FB/Twitter, This does absolutely nothing to influence how well or poorly a team does. You can eat crow until it runs out of your ears, and your team might not win. See, in professional sports, you roll the dice. Karma doesn't exist in professional sports for fans. You can do nothing to influence your team. Unless that is, if you pay a shit ton of money as a benefactor. Which most of you aren't nor ever will be.
I realize that there is the "Sixth man" concept. That the louder you are, the more intimidating it is for opponents. And I won't argue this seeing how the Seattle Seahawks stadium holds a world record for the loudest game ever this season. I recall standing on my seat this summer at AT&T Park in San Francisco, leaning over the barrier joining in as loudly as my lungs would permit in chanting  "F#CK THE DODGERS" Gloating wildly, as Yasiel Puig struck out for the fourth time that game from my VIP box. That moment might have been one of the most euphoric moments of my life. Cause for once, I wasn't the only one with burning blood hatred for the Dodgers. I was surrounded by fellow true blue Giants fans, joined together in the cause of hating the Dodgers. After saying all this, I don't think screaming loudly from my bedroom, as Peyton Manning continues to destroy teams, helps him very much in Denver. My cries are loud, but not hear me in Denver loud.
I will never say that you shouldn't stand behind your team. And wear their colors to school/work. However, if you are wearing the wrong color of jersey, I pre-judge you. And assume you are probably an asshole, even though you might be a perfectly nice person.
I didn't write this in hopes of trying to bring hatred to an end. Cause that would suck. I do think that you should stop getting in one another's face's over it. Because you contributed absolutely nothing to your teams win other than picking that team as your team (If only for a winning season.) I realize now why people only cheer on winning teams. Not only are they easy to hear about because of ESPN, but it must be nice to always be right. And score bragging rights. I have spent many seasons as a Denver fan with broken playoff dreams. However, I would rather be a faithful loser rather than a ship jumper. My bandwagon as a Denver fan is weighed down from all the ship jumpers this year. I guess I should take that as a compliment, but they didn't suffer through Jake Plummer, and Kyle Orton. They don't remember never doing well, and having losing seasons. They just show up when times are easy. Which is smart, but not fair to me.
I guess all in all, I should stop losing sleep over my teams. But that's not gonna happen. I think I probably lose more sleep when my enemy teams are doing well. Nothing that flipping off people wearing their stupid garb won't fix.

Revenge.

I don't normally do shout outs, but in forming the idea around this blog, I had thought a lot about a certain person. So, this one is for you, Miki G. Middle fingers up.

I remember talking to a lot of people when I got dumped and they centered their form of solace that read something along the lines of "Happiness is the best revenge." I highly doubt that you have never heard this before, but in the event that you haven't allow me to expound. Basically what they're saying is; the best way to make this asshole jealous/regret dumping you is to be happy. 

I think that this is a bullshit lie. I feel like the best revenge would be to see their facial expression as they watched their house burn down. Or what they would say when they found their car on blocks with all the windows shattered. THAT, would be quality revenge for kicking my heart in the ass. Some monetary damage for the permanent damage on my mental/emotional health. Fair trade.

See, what I don't really understand is, what makes you think that this person gives a shit about whether you are happy or not? I mean, obviously they don't care that much about you; they just dumped your dumb ass. If they cared about your happiness, they probably wouldn't have dumped you in the first place. At least, that's what logic implies.

However, I do think there are ways around your happiness, that can make someone jealous that they dumped you. And these are loosely based, but are things that I feel could do the trick.

-Get a boob job. I don't know why this topped the list. But it's one of the first things I thought of. I also don't think I need to explain why this is something that will inspire jealousy.

-Lose weight. I guess this should top the list since it's every one's first thought.

-Become incredibly rich. This can be through inheritance or on your own terms. Nothing says 'F YOU' quite like riding by their one bedroom apartment slowly in your Rolls Royce, flipping the bird and listening to death metal you had written about them by your favorite band.

-Grow a killer beard. Just, do.

-Become a famous wrestler.

-Star in several background roles of movies.

-Buy several expensive items on credit to make you look rich.

-Meet many famous people and take pictures with them.

-Build a pool in your backyard with a water slide.

-Buy a boat.

-Take up an extreme sport; preferably rollerblading. (Helmets and elbow pads, please.)

-Start robbing banks and be an infamous criminal.

-Join a service such as The Somalian Pirates.

-Murder their current significant other.

-Make the news. For anything, really.

-Break into their house and steal valuables.

-Write a biography, write a vicious chapter about them, print the chapter, and mail it anonymously.

-Blow up their mailbox.

-Doorbell ditch their house.

-Fight in underground venues and make sure they see you kick someones ass, then kick theirs.

-Knock over a casino by counting cards.

-Send them Anthrax through a very sincere letter that you forged from their Grandma.

-Trap them in Jumanji.

-Buy a bouncy house and don't let them in.

-Go on several vacations and take pictures with someone incredibly handsome/pretty, and shirtless/in a bikini.

-Dress/smell very nice.

-Make up a lie that you got promoted in a big insurance agency and wear a suit/pant suit all the time.

I think I could probably continue on in this list for days. Because I know what would make people jealous; even though I do absolutely none of the things on this list. I do realize that some of them digress, but they are all pertinent. However, I do have aspirations to achieve one of the things on this list. And that is to become a professional wrestler. I just feel like when these people are living in a trailer park, nothing is going to be more haunting than seeing my stupid face on all the Mexican neighbor kids Wrestling T-shirts that they never wash and always wear. I feel like it will be a good reminder to everyone. And then I am on a billboard, drinking a gallon of milk, right above the freeway they live under. It seems like the best option for me to inspire jealousy and hatred for me. Just knowing that I am doing so great. And if not, I guess we can always lead them back to the wood chipper.