Why i hate "The Notebook"

Rain. The only thing worse, is the wind. You cant do anything in the rain. No swimming, no canoeing, no feeding of ducks, in many cases no power, all in all, no fun. Because the second you step outside, you are going to get wet, and nobody likes being wet. Unless your name is Ryan Gosling and Rachael McAdams, that is. In fact, they like it so much, they prolong their being outside, not in any slight drizzle, but in an outright downpour, by continually kissing and otherwise fondling. As i sat on my couch pouring soda and Doritos down my throat, watching such an awful scene unfold with complete distaste, the light went on in my thick skull. Immediately i was taken back to my nightmare days of my ex girlfriend. Every time the clouds would roll in and my irritability rose with their darkening, it was mere clockwork before i heard "Lets go run around in the rain!" If i had a dollar for every time i heard that, i would have more than 1 dollar, but less than 2,500. And all those days of arguing about how much i would rather gargle glass than run around in the rain, came to a screaming reality. As i watched the couple hold each other in the pouring rain, i heard the estrogen level in the room rise. And i was alone. Slowly, but surely I came to the realization, that the only reason that this woman had any interest in doing any sort of thing in the rain, is because she wanted to fulfill her twisted fantasy of being just like Ryan and Rachael. She wanted me to tell her that i loved her even though she moved to New York and never wrote back. Kissing, hugging, wet, and altogether unhappy. Why is it that women can watch movies, and demand to fulfill their fantasies of kissing in the rain, walking in the park, falling in love and all that other crap, but i cant seem to get the same respect when i watch Terminator? What seems to be the problem with riding on the back of a motorcycle while i shoot my lever action shotgun at a semi truck? Whats not romantic about me lowering myself into a melting pot to save a desperate woman and her sons life? Who doesn't want to rob, steal, murder, and watch me cut the skin off my arm only to reveal the robot mechanics underneath? The answer should be, Nobody! Everybody should want to! The answer I actually get, is that nobody wants to. Men and women are not equal anymore. We are left to drive our fantasies out on video games, while women are pulling us by our beards into the rain to re-enact scenes from a movie (a stupid one at that). If it weren't for "The Notebook" my shoes would have alot less water damage. My frown wouldnt be so prominent, and I wouldn't be so love drunk on Rachael McAdams. So the next time you want to play kissy kissy in the rain, consider returning the favor by playing the Indian in the cupboard. 

The World Needs More Carly Rae's.

I never listen to the radio. The only reason i know songs that ever appear on the radio, is because people wont shut up about them. Which is the case with the song "Call Me Maybe" For starters, I'm going to explain why this song is stupid. Then, i will explain why this song is awesome.
Teenagers and elementary school students alike can rattle off the lyrics to this song, long before they can remember all of the words of the pledge of allegiance. If i cried, this would be something to cry about. Not to mention that Miss Jepsen is Canadian. I would be willing to wager that its a hostile takeover. First we start singing Call Me Maybe, then we forget the Pledge Of Allegiance, then we forget why America is the greatest, Then we end up eating each others faces. Laying any and all theories aside, lets take an intellectual look at the lyrics to this song. "Here's my number, call me maybe." This phrase alone leaves me somewhat puzzled. Is she implying that her name is maybe? Or that she wants you to call her... maybe? Lets just assume that it is the latter. When she says to call her, maybe, does that mean she wants you to call her or not? In my experience growing up, Whenever my mom said maybe, that usually meant no. If some girl said to call her MAYBE, i probably wouldn't in fear that she was just being polite. And really didn't want me to call her. But thought she would give me her number anyway. Not that i call girls that give me their numbers. Even if they just say; Call me. I would hope that in the future, Carly Rae would be a little more direct. Then maybe more people would call. The other Lyric in question is "its hard to look right" Does this mean that she was in a car accident and cant turn her head? Or that she just slept on it wrong the night before and has a kink in it now? Either way, i'm not calling a girl who has been in a car accident, or cant sleep like a normal person. Honesty might not always be the best policy, Carly.
This song is great for a few reasons. If i were at a social gathering, and someone came up and gave me their number with no work on my part, i would be overjoyed. Until i found out that she is Canadian. Then i would be really upset. Livid even. I feel like in the world that we live in, men are always chasing to no avail. Women are always hoping that they get chased, but men are always too scared to talk to them. So, in all cases, men and women go home feeling worse than they did before they went on this escapade. With high hopes of going home with someone else that night. If we want to get anywhere in this game of cat and mouse, women should take Carly's lead, and start giving men their numbers. The game needs to be played right. And i should write the rule book. We shouldn't have to hunt, only feast.