I know that seems like a harsh perspective, but I think it’s the honest truth. The longer you live, the more you understand, the harder things become.
I have said for a few years now that I wish I was dumb enough to be happy. I often wish I could be one of those simple people who find pure unadulterated joy in the mediocrity of things like a good lunch, or finding a quarter on the sidewalk. Instead I think I get caught up in the thinking that Calvin said best in Calvin and Hobbes: “Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I DEMAND EUPHORIA!” I no longer desire to participate in simple pleasures, I want to be spoon fed caviar in a distant land where the temperature is always 68 degrees and nothing unpleasant ever happens. But maybe that’s the root of a lot of my problems. I never want to ‘stop and smell the roses’ or ‘embrace the journey’ or some other bullshit poster some boomer has framed in their house. I want to get where I am going, and I would like to have been there yesterday.
Maybe we should all Live, Laugh, & Love more often (I’ll see myself out) instead of thinking that we shouldn’t have to struggle or want. Maybe the only salve we have ever needed is in front of our eyes, but we are too busy squinting at the horizon to notice it.
I have been trying to rewrite my mindset on a lot of these struggles I have been facing lately in terms of time I spend lifting at the gym. I have been doing competitive strongman lifting for almost a year now, and the biggest lesson I have learned, I started this blog post saying. It does not get easier. The stronger you become, the heavier the weight gets. I think that translates into life as well. If your goal is to continue to develop, get stronger, get better, then you have to keep adding weight to the goddamn bar. Otherwise you sputter, and ultimately backslide. And in my experience, it sucks. It would be nice to take one day and only have to pull 50% of your max for a few sets. And sometimes, you might have to. Rest is as important as work. Progress relies on both things, metaphorically and literally. However, if you want to get better, you’re going to have to keep moving heavy weight. The better you get, the heavier it gets. It’s a Ponzi scheme, and it’s true in all aspects of your life. When you became proficient at your job, did you get to just coast, or did they pile a heavier workload on you? Just think about it for a minute. There is no respite. I truly think that’s what separates everyone. Those who can continue to grow and do the hard shit, and the crybabies. So take a big belly breath, brace your core, and move the weight, bitch.
I don’t think that every day you’re going to show up in any aspect of your life- gym, job, parent, or otherwise, and be able perform at 100%. It’s unrealistic. I think that my point in saying all this is that, you just have to mentally prepare for the fact that growth is painful as hell. It is never going to be a joyride. So just accept that fact, and keep clenching your teeth and push the envelope. Take a mile for every fucking inch.
I think the reason this has all been on my mind lately is that the past 2 years have coupled loss, becoming a parent, starting a new career, moving states (twice), and in essence starting strongman for me. And I would be remiss if I told you anything other than the fact that it almost swept me out with the tide. It seems like every god damn day was harder than the one before it. I kept asking myself if there was ever going to be a solitary moment when I would come up for air. The answer is: nope. I had to teach myself how to adapt. The sooner I came to expect the nauseating exhaustion of it all, the better prepared for it I was. I don’t think that anyone could look at my frazzled ass and think “Now there is a well adjusted gentleman!” But the fact that I am still here, says more about me than anyone could ever know.
I don’t want this to come across as a way of telling you “Hooray for me! To hell with all of you!” By any means. I just wanted to put it out there that everyone is struggling in their own way. The fact that you guys decide to stick around for another day says more about your character than anything else. If you can hollow out some time to smile when your kid starts doing funny things, or take pride in even small accomplishments in your day to day (I flossed for the first time in 6 months!), then it makes your daily grind that much better. Don’t wallow in your despair for years like I did. Things certainly will not get easier, as I have said. But they will get better. Like in lifting, the weight keeps getting heavier, but you keep adapting to it. Your muscles get big huge, both mentally and physically. So stay the course. Become merciless. Crush your enemies (especially the ones in your head) by their throat. PR OR ER.
FEED THE DOG. BITE THE HAND.
