Thankful... That It's Not Christmas.

It's officially November 16th. For those of you inbreds who aren't familiar with the American calender, that means that Thanksgiving hasn't even come and gone yet. We should be putting our pilgrim outfits on, shooting turkeys, and giving Indians syphilis. Instead, we are prancing around in green and red, listening to Carol of the bells, and hanging up lights that are borderline to giving someone a seizure. I realize that Christmas is a big holiday, possibly the biggest. That doesn't however mean that we should be celebrating it a month early, or heaven forbid earlier than that. But, however, we are all dressed in our Christmas sweaters already. Blame it on the cold, but you can't hide your heresy. I was walking through Wal-Mart not one, but two weeks ago. You know what music was playing on the loud speakers? Some ungodly Christmas tune. I about torched the place and claimed it as treason. I wonder what Paul Revere would think if he were to see us not being thankful at all, and purchasing presents. He would probably go on another ride, but turning over cars and starting riots along his way. Okay, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration. But, who knows what his true character was. While it is the season to be thankful, I try and think about what I am thankful for. I think that I could name a lot of things that I am Not thankful for pretty easily. Women folk, lines at shopping centers/amusement  parks, overpriced gasoline, the San Diego Chargers, healthy food, and current fashion. Naming things I am thankful for is harder. Which might be the reason the holiday exists. So, I think it's safe to say that I am not a huge advocate of Thanksgiving. As much as I love getting a plate full of food and murdering it with gravy, I couldn't say that it's my favorite. I think that my favorite holiday is probably my birthday. For several reasons. Every other holiday is designed to help you remember something or somebody else. My birthday is to help you remember how great I am, however. On March 6th, you should be thinking of me for the entirety of the day. I don't have to do the dishes, cook, or buy anything. People wait on me hand and foot, and it is far and away my favorite holiday. You don't however see me demanding that people prepare for it a month or more in advance. If we were to go by Christmas standards, we should start preparing for my birthday around the time your New Years chocolate hangover wears off. Along with your resolutions. We really wouldn't have time to celebrate any holidays cause we would be too busy preparing for the next one. So, if you have a Christmas tree up, put your lights up, or have gone through more than half of your Christmas shopping list, consider stomping your own toes. Especially if you have your shopping done but have yet to clean the house, flossed this year, or taken down the majority of your Halloween decorations. If you are this on the ball for Christmas, shouldn't it be year round? Christmas is my least favorite holiday. Well... That isn't the entire truth. Don't even get me started on Valentines. At least not this soon before it's time to start preparing for it. Enjoy the cold weather and presents that were bought with bounced checks you ingrates. I'm going to go eat some turkey and cranberry sauce. And, with any luck, get an Indian sick, Like a true American.