Fears.

I don't think I have actually checked under my bed for things hiding since... Well, ever. I am always afraid of what might be under there. I think it's better to lay in my bed and not move, even my eyeballs, in hopes that they will just forget that I am there. Whereas, if I took the time to check, there is an outside chance that there is something under there waiting to devour my face. I liked the thought as a kid that as long as I was under my blanket, every single part of me, I was safe. I would occasionally have to pull the covers back and gasp for fresh air, but, that was only when I was going to pass out for lack of oxygen, or I could taste my own breath. Now that I am older, I don't really find it necessary to hide under the covers. I just keep inanimate objects that could be used as weapons close to my bed. While I don't think that there are monsters under my bed, I am just afraid of burglars and maybe the devil coming into my room. I have no idea what thieves would steal. Maybe my newly stocked stash of min Cadbury eggs. But, I have little things of value for them to steal. It's just more trouble than it's worth. It's not even when I am laying in bed that's the most terrifying. Cause I wake up when someone even looks at my bedroom door and thinks of opening it. It's more of the walk after I get up to chug some milk back to my room. I think it would be humiliating to die in this instance. I would really not want to die with bed head, and in my underwear. I just imagine dying and getting to the other side, and having to re-tell how you died. So there I am with these war heroes telling stories about how they jumped on grenades, and took bullets for friends and stuff, and my story in that I wasn't paying attention and fell down the stairs like a dumb ass at 4 am in my underwear. I didn't have life alert, and I died of broken hips. At 22. I feel like I would have to sit in the corner with all the kids who committed suicide after being dumped by a high school girlfriend. It would be entirely shameful. I think aside from this fear, I grew up in a family where scaring the hell out of each other was recreational, and fun. I am afraid of the unknown cause my brother could be hiding in some corner with a mask and knife. So, I always peek around corners at night, and make sure to turn they light on and survey the room lit, before I make my run for my room. It's pretty silly, I know. But, I think like the dark, we are all just afraid of the unknown. I am not afraid of the dark. I love the dark, because that means sleep. I am afraid of what might be in the dark. Whether that's my brother, Satan in some scandalous outfit waiting to take me straight way to hell, or some burglar in a trench coat and nothing else. Some people would probably scoff at this. But, it is just a way describe all of us. Its not what you can see that you are afraid of, it's what you can't. There is no way of telling the future, unfortunately. Cause that would make everyone's lives easier, but way more boring. The only thing we can do is address the situation at hand, and make the best decision possible, and deal with whatever outcomes later. There is no time machine that we can go backwards or forwards in. Cause I would probably fix alot of things, and have prepared better for others. I am not normally a motivational speaker of any kind. This blog is designed purely for entertainment purposes. But, I have had alot of this on my mind recently, and it has consumed me. My absolute fear for the future, outweighs my fear of the dark by about a billion pounds. Because I can eventually make it to bed, wake up, and be done with the dark. There is no way to outright face the fear of the future. It's crippling at times. But, If you spend your life worrying about what's next, you'll never be able to enjoy what's here. So, maybe it's time to stop worrying about what happened in the past, and what may happen in the future, and face what's happening now.