So, I know alot of people aren't into "screamo" music. And that's fine. We have discussed you just keeping your trap shut about it. Seeings how it has honestly saved my life. So, last night, I went to a metal concert. Allow me to start by saying that it was awesome. But, you know what's not awesome? That every ass hat on the planet seemed to show up. So, I am going to go over some concert etiquette that everyone should apply. Whether it's a Green Day, Taylor Swift, or Black Dahlia Murder concert.
First, understand what a concert entails. If you have personal space issues, you should consider going to the movies, or park instead. While nobody likes to have their goodies touched, you are going to be in a confined room with several hundred people. It's not Woodstock for hell's sake. You can't bring a picnic basket, do bumps of coke off each other while laying on a blanket. There are people everywhere. And you ARE going to get touched. So, be aware of that. And if you go, and start punching people in an effort to create separation for yourself, I am personally going to punch your head. You prick.
Please, in the name of all that is sacred and holy, don't bring your girlfriend. While we all want to please our significant others, some things are just not good ideas for dates. We have aforementioned the space issue. And no one wants their loved one to be smashed either. Don't be a hero and take her then spend the night fending off these "hounds" from squishing your princess. It's futile, and asinine. Unless it is some kind of low key acoustic set, or your woman is accustomed to that sort of atmosphere, forget it. Leave her home to watch Pretty Little Liars.
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever take your gosh damn shirt off. I don't care if it's 5000 degrees, and 5000% humidity. You make us all exponentially more uncomfortable by rubbing your shirtless self against us. But even more so, if you are fat, you shouldn't even consider it. Taking my shirt off at a concert has never crossed my mind. Cause not only am I uncomfortable with that, I know that everyone else would be too. I am a sweaty damn person. My shirt seems to wick away a great deal of that sweat. And when I am rubbing up on everyone else and their stupid girlfriend, it makes everyone happier when I am fully clothed. Don't be an asshole. Keep your shirt on. Whether you are buff, fat, skinny, or somewhere in between. Just do it. For the sake of everyone.
A little add on to that, if you are a woman and do go to a concert, wear clothes. If you wear a bikini top, and booty shorts to Warped Tour, expect to go home topless. There are too many pigs out there that will rip that bikini right off. I have seent it too many times to believe that it wont happen. Just, wear a regular t-shirt, and some pants or Capri's. Also, shoes that wont fall off easy. I have found so many Toms and other women's shoes on the floor of shows. Make sure they can tie. Seriously. Women get disrespected as hell at shows. So, try to dress accordingly. And if you dress like an ass, you'll get treated like an ass.
This next point only applies to metal shows, but I still wanna say it. SCREW HARDCORE DANCING. MOSH OR GTFO! If you are a hardcore dancer, you're an asshole. It's not fun for anyone. And it shouldn't be fun for you. You are making a complete jackass of yourself by flailing your limbs at no one. STAHP. But keeping in mind of mosh pits, there are some things to be said. If you are under the age of 18, stay out. If you are a woman, don't even consider it. If a pit opens up near you, get away. Cause here is the thing, I am a giant. And when I am in the pits, I am like a car without brakes. I cause absolute havoc on the people inside and outside. Because I don't stop. Not for no one. And the thing is, I don't want to run this car into a girl. But the thing is, if you're stupid enough to stand on the edge, you deserve to be hit. Don't cry about it. Do something about it. If you have a head on your shoulders, there are ways around mosh pits. Run and scream like you should. Don't sit and take it. Us mosh pit guys, are ruthless. A mosh pit is nothing but an excuse to kick the shit out of each other. And we don't want and women to be involved in it. So don't. It's not sexist. It's just true.
Lastly, don't go to concerts when you get white girl wasted. If you are having trouble standing, stay home. If you can't see real good, stay home. Everyone hates drunk people. Everyone hates drunk people even worse when they are in public and can't hold their shit together. On top of that, straight edge kids will target you and beat the hell out of you. And I tend to target drunk people in the pits also. So, don't drink and go to concerts. It's annoying. For everyone.
So, I hope you heed these words. They come from many years of experience. And we should all be able to go to shows and not have to end up hating everyone. Smooches.
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