(Online) Dating Scares Me.

I always wonder what the people that go online dating look like in real life. Mostly because in my mind, the people that date online, never leave the house. They have their own cave in which they have resided for years. Like Hitler, or Osama Bin Laden, but less murder-y. If you were to break in with a swat team, they would have red eyes, and scream this scream that shatters glass/ear drums. Then start lighting pizza boxes on fire with their mouths and throwing them at you. And finally you take them down after a really bloody battle. I don't know why this is what I picture, but its what I do. Cause I am sure that they don't use real life pictures in their online dating profile. I am sure that they are harmless, and don't light things on fire with their mouths. I just like to think the very worst possible things that could happen.
Maybe it's me, but I just really hope that my life never slums to the point that I have to sign up for chemistry.com or something. Cause I feel like I would make my profile one huge lie to make people think I am so great. I would make The Terminator my profile picture and talk about how I am looking for a wife by the name of Sarah Connor. And I will stop at nothing to get her. And you know what the funny thing would be? Some Idiot out there with a page named Sarah Connor would believe that I was being serious. And ring me up. Because you know what? You can't put lies on the internet. It's like a proven fact.
I just feel like I have enough going for me, that I could still make things awkward at a social gathering for some girl, and not have to resort to online dating, yet. I would walk up with a drink spilled all over me and say, "So, do you... Uh... Like... stuff?" and make a smile that resembles Michael Keaton from Beetle Juice. I'm not really saying I am above online dating; in all reality, I should be online dating. The only difference between me and people that online date, is that I stare at girls in real life, while they stare at them on a computer screen. Neither of us take action to talk to them, or ask them out. We just stare. If I were to pick up online dating, Then I wouldn't be making a complete ass of myself all the time. I always end up screwing up good pickup lines my friends tell me to use, such as:
Dang girl, did you fall from heaven? Cause it looks like you landed on your face!
Is your dad a baker? Cause you have tons of rolls.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Ground up and in the freezer.
In a lot of respects, I look at the shit I do and say, I wonder if I am even in any condition to date. But, then again, Is anyone? Everyone out there has their own respective problems. You just have to find someone who can deal with your problem as well as you can deal with theirs.
I touched on how you put on the ruse online that you are someone you are not. But, it's not that much different in real life. You always put on a ruse in real life; That you are smarter, richer, and better off than you really are. Nobody is going to off the bat tell you that they have daddy issues. Or anger problems. Or suffer from depression. Or dyslexia. Or whatever it is. But, there is something amiss with everyone. At least, that's what I tell myself to feel better about me.
So, in a round about way, we are all online dating under the name of The Terminator. And we are all searching for a Sarah Connor. And some idiot out there by the name of Sarah Connor is going to ring you up one day. You just have to keep checking your pager.