In a recent conversation i had with someone, the following story was related to me. A distant friend of a friend of someones friend, was vacationing in Mexico. While sun bathing and, no doubt, getting hammered, he seems to think that he met Taylor Swift there. Not only did he meet her, but they hung out on several occasions. And... *blush* made out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On any other given day, i would track down this friend of Jesse's friend of Craig's, and i would congratulate him. Maybe even give him a hug. But, and i do mean BUT, there are so many holes in this story that its pert-near see through. Allow me to explain myself. When is the last time you have seen Taylor Swift in a bikini? If you said never, your answer would be correct. She doesn't sun bathe. She doesn't go running frivolously on the beach. She is rarely seen without a coat on. So, if this distant friend of mine were going on an ice skating extravaganza in Sweden, and he ran into Taylor Swift since they were staying at the same ice castle, and happened to be getting hot chocolate at the exact same time, i might validate the story. MIGHT! When's the last time you heard of Americas idols hooking up with any Joe schmo on the street? That's right. Never. What if Joe Schmo had herpes, and gave it to Taylor Swift, and she gave it to Taylor Lautner (Actually, that might be a good thing...) And he gave it to someone else, and before you know it, America is now Herpe-erica. Its like zombies, but with STD's. If you are going to make up a lie about hooking up with Taylor Swift, at least make it believable. Idiot. Which brings me to my point. Is she pulling all our noodles, and is secretly a vampire? Lets just say that she is a REAL vampire. Not some deer kissing faggot, who is afraid of sucking some hot girls neck. She eats people to stay alive. Alright? Dracula. Not Fagula. Lets go over the qualifications of such a villan, and compare the qualities with Taylor Swift. Sharp teeth? Not sure, haven't felt them. I'm willing to bet that the answer is yes. If you can eat steak, you can eat people. Pale skin? CHECK! she looks like the sun is her worst enemy. She and i have that in common. Except I'm tan. Never out during the day? Rarely. No doubt about it. Wears robes and/or a big cape? She wears alot of expensive stuff... I think that counts. Sleeps in a coffin? I'm not sure where she sleeps. She has alot of money, so i bet that its a king size bed shaped like a coffin. Garlic repels her? I should have asked that kid that hooked up with her in Mexico... My basic conclusion is, she is a vampire. She isn't hanging out in Mexico where she would assuredly be burnt up in the sun. If you'll excuse me, i have a one way ticket to Transylvania to find her.
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