I approach this topic with the highest of precautions. I realize that things like this change from person to person. However, in the eyes of most women, us men are all chauvinist pigs anyway. So I am going to tell you how it is. So, I don't know how to appropriately start this. So, I'll just start at the top.
So, this is all through my simple mind. Meeting new people is comparable to running races for me. I just don't do it, because I know how much it sucks. You may win a trophy, but the race itself blows. So, I just don't run races or meet new people. So, being the lonesome man that I am, when I meet new people, I either instantly love them or hate them. Not very often will I meet someone and think, yeah, they're okay. I usually walk away from the situation and think "Well, that person sucks." Or "Wow, that person was great." And I will 9 times out of 10 walk away remarking the first. By doing so, when I think a person is way cool, I will usually try and integrate them into my friend group, if they are a man, or try to marry them if they're a woman. (That sounds super weird, but realize that it's an exaggeration.) Now, that could be the problem. I invest so much into people that I like. However, it is what it is. I will probably always ending jumping in with both feet when I find things/people that I like. So, with guy friends, we know how it goes. They keep coming around, and we play Mario Party and end up hating each other. But with girls, it falls apart much slower. I will usually talk to them on a regular basis, and let my douchebag brain make her out to be greater than she is. He also convinces me that she probably likes me back. My brain is my worst enemy. So, here we are, falling in love at first hangout, and soon enough, she says she just wants to be friends. You know what happens then? I break things. Not like, hearts, or faces. I just go home and turn over the kitchen table and pirate kick the couch. Because at that point, my brain lets me know how insubordinate I am to other men around the campus/world. And so begins my deep depression. My beard grows at twice it's normal rate to help with my manhood, I continuously watch Rambo, Rocky, Terminator, and Tarantino films in an effort to rebuild this manhood. So, the first and foremost reason why men don't want to be "Just Friends" is because you just kicked our hearts, and confidence in the ass. Knowing that we aren't good enough for you, will generally breed hatred. We will talk to our friends about what a stuck up bitch you are, and other malicious things to rebuild our pride from the ground up. So, I want to look at this situation logically, from my point of view. If I am a cool enough guy to be your friend, but for whatever reason I am not good enough to date, that must mean something. Either I am ugly, fat, obnoxious, weird, smell bad, poor, this list could be endless and change from woman to woman. So, if you are that full of yourself, why would I want to be your friend? Maybe that's just me being bitter. But, in my brain, that's how it works. If you tell me we are just friends, you instantly turn into an ignorant, uppity jerk. Call me whatever you will for that. The simple truth is, if you have to tell a man "Let's not be anything more than friends." You will probably never be friends. You should just tell him that he is overweight, has a nappy beard, and should shower more regularly. So, having said that, allow me to move onto more of the reasons why guys and girls are usually not friends.
First and foremost, we are just different. And I want to use some examples, but, I am in no way claiming that they are 100% correct. So, lets just say that there is a guys night. Even though we very rarely call them that. What will usually go on in a guys night, is alot of awesome nothing. It will usually start with everyone stuffing their faces. With whatever food is available. During that time, there is alot of swearing, accusing, discussion of special lady friends, farting, making fun of someone, dirty jokes, filthy conversations, belching, and so on. There is a reason why men are stereotyped as pigs. Because we kind of are. Especially when corralled together. There is absolutely no shame, no barrier for conversations, no one thinking less of each other for their actions. We are at our most comfortable state. Anyone who says they would rather hangout with women (Unless they are dating officially or soon thereto) is a liar, or homosexual. There is no way you can be more comfortable, and at home than with a group of close man friends. I have never been to a girls night, for obvious reasons. But, in my imaginative head, they aren't all that much different. Baking things, painting nails, putting on those horrifying facial mask things that I am convinced do nothing but scare the hell out of me, watch estrogen filled movies, discuss men, have dirty conversations, back talk about their friends and enemies, eat alot, and all other kinds of things. In my mind, it sounds horrible. But, I am sure that women feel like this is the most comfortable place for them to be. They must enjoy these girls nights, as I enjoy guys nights. Now, when we cross breed the two, some things will get eliminated off of both lists, whatever they may be. For men, I feel like a majority of my list will get eliminated. No swearing, dirty jokes, loud laughter, and on and on. Which may not be a bad thing. But, if you want to know how I feel about dates refer to an earlier blog called "First Dates Blow." It makes me uncomfortable thinking about it. I think my biggest problem with hanging out with girls, is that we can very rarely just do nothing. We always have to be doing something. Maybe that's just me. But, in either case, when we are "Just friends" we both have to compromise in some way or another. So, unless you have romantic intentions, it's usually not all that worth it to be friends anyway. (Even though there are exceptions to all these general rules) So the next time you are gonna tell someone "Let's just be friends" Consider saying the following as healthy alternatives; Go to hell. Suck a branch. Kick rocks. Pound salt. Leave me alone forever.
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