We Are All Trying To Figure Each Other Out.

Normally, I don't do things like this. But, I got a tweet from a dear friend of mine with a quote saying; "Why develop feelings for a woman when you can walk into oncoming traffic and get the same results?" and he asked if this could be a new blog. Normally, I just take whatever thought comes to my sick head, and put it on (paper). But, I think this could be good. So, I am going to go ahead and elaborate on this thought a bit. And if it turns out okay, and you have something you would like me to blog about, get me that idea. I will whip something up for you. Maybe even give you a shout out.
Allow me to sidetrack off the original thought about developing feelings. This will be relevant, I promise. I recently went and saw The Great Gatsby. Now, aside from hurting my brain trying to sort out a twenties movie that has such high effects on camera, and Toby Maguire making my life miserable, it was a good movie. The story was almost as beautiful as Leonardo DiCaprio. What I find amusing, is the comments afterward. All these women took up their torches and pitchforks in the name of Daisy. Saying what an ungrateful bitch she was, how could she do this, on and on and on. See, what I wonder is if they do this out of lust for Leo, or the fact that she truly was selfish and ungrateful. Let's say that Gatsby in this film was casted by Ethan Suplee (American History X, My Name Is Earl, Chasing Amy. Basically he's just a big fat guy.) and not Leo. Would these griping women feel the same? Or is it just that they think Leo is too gosh darn handsome to betray? What is funny to me, is that more often than not, women play the part of Daisy as opposed to anyone else in life. I see it all the time. Men go and put all that they have on the line for a woman, and what happens? She leaves. She can't shake her demons. She can't get over someone else. And so on, and so forth. (Yes. I am one siding this argument and turning a blind eye to the men that are cheating pigs etc. Get over it.) Men on an every day basis are giving their all in the name of love. And in the name of some woman that will take the heart that has been spilled in their behalf, and dump it on the floor. While we can safely agree that no man has purchased a house and thrown very expensive house parties in hopes of seeing a woman. But, does anyone do that? I mean, in real life? The answer is no. Men are so completely predictable when it comes to love, lust, and companionship in a woman. We do the absolute dumbest shit on the planet in order to say, set us aside form the rest. Or at least catch her eye in the process. And women brush it off like it was no big deal at all. But, God forbid that someone else do it! Especially to Leonardo DiCaprio!
I think that this is where this original thought comes from. Why should we develop feelings for another, when we can just walk into traffic, bang our face against a metal door, play Russian Roulette with all the bullets in the chamber, or army crawl through live coals and feel the same? At the end of the day, there isn't an answer is there? You can tell yourself 100 times over that you are done with boys, girls or both, but you'll find yourself with your tongue hanging out of your head when the next woman/man looks at you the right way. People that say they are fine being single, or never want to get married are idiots. They are just trying to delude themselves into believing that. If you don't want to find someone who loves you with as much capacity as you have love for them, you are an ignorant jackass. See, all this love, romance and shit is hardwired into our DNA. If we have no other purpose in life, the one that we can all believe in, and cling to, is love. The love you find in others. I think what has forced me to find that conclusion, is my own behavior. See, for the most part, I try and weigh out options, think, and make good decisions when they arrive at my feet. However, when it comes to love and a relationship, I act like a complete jackass. I seem the throw all reason to the wind. I will give everything I have to try and make things with this person good. Some people think this is ludicrous. But, the truth of the matter is, I can't seem to help myself. I have stayed up late on more occasions than I care to let on, and thought about this. Why, in all situations, is the one that I should be the most calm and collected am I acting like a maniac? And I think it's just DNA. I want to please this person. I want to make them happy. I want to make them like me. Love me. So, amidst all that, more often than not, I end up ruining things. And I irreparably burn bridges. But, those are the skeletons that I have to deal with. Some people may have other problems with relationships that are even worse. But, at the end of the day, we are all screwed up. To some degree or another. We all find that out eventually. So, why do we develop these feelings? I think we all have the slim hope that the opposite will be true. If only sometime. So we throw the dice, and hope that 7's show up. More often than not, we lose. And it sucks. So, we dust ourselves off, and try again.
I think that this was hoping to be more comical than what it turned out to be. Because it's a comedic truth. Why don't we all just walk into traffic? Because we are all waiting for something greater. Whether you believe that or not, we are. If you didn't believe that, you would have cut your ankles long ago, and be taking a big fat dirt nap right now. Not reading this blog.

You Would Probably Screw Everyone's Life Up If Given The Opportunity To Time Travel.

I always see time travel movies and wonder about time travel. Like, I am probably beating a dead horse when I say I think about going back in time and changing things. I think that everyone probably always talks about such things. Like, Man I wish I could go back in time and I would have said this to this person and they would have broken up with this other person then this little bastard would not have been born, and then my life would be substantially better. But, I don't really know exactly what I would change if I could go back in time. I would like to think that I would change something that I said or did to hurt or offend someone, but I really don't care about all that. I think I would go back in time and tell my three year old self to take my clothes off more. Because honestly, little kids get away with public nudity because its "cute" but, when I am nude in public I get arrested. I would just tell myself that people love it when I am naked. So, do it as much as you can. And my mom would have alot of gray hairs today. I think I would also go back and make sure that I recorded all the wrestling matches I watched on VHS and kept them in my tote. Cause seriously, what I wouldn't give to open that tote to find wrestling matches. All that is in there is a maze ball thing, an unfinished model car, old worthless baseball cards, some fake tools, and other things not cool. And I would not have let my cousin borrow my Sting wrestling doll that screamed when you body slammed it. That would save alot of spilled tears. I think I would just ensure that I turned out as weird, and great as I have. 

I also ponder about going forward in time. I have alot more reservations about going forward in time. Cause I would really rather not F everything up. I feel like I would like accidentally run into the wrong person and then they would do something about it, and I would then be a national fugitive of sorts. However, I would love to go talk to 40 year old me, and have a nice half hour chat. I would see who I marry, just to be sure that's acceptable to 22 year old me. I would also ask about his job, and then make sure that is also what 22 year old me wants. And I would see what paths I need to take to make things better for future me. Can you imagine that though? Like, what if 13 year old me came walking in the door just now? Wouldn't that be a trip? I would call 13 year old me fat. And tell him to stop swimming with a shirt on. And to take off those damn puka shells, and turn off the 50 Cent and Ludacris. Maybe then 13 year old me would get ripped rather than continuing to get fat. And I would be a cooler 13 year old. I wonder if 40 year old me would say similar things though. Maybe he will call me fat. And tell me to stop wearing wrestling shirts. And to keep listening to bad ass music. I feel like 40 year old me and 22 year old me would get along famously though. Like, turn on Monday Night Raw and have a Coke while we talk about smut, and how we dated the same girls. That would be such a trip. I would be willing to wager that 40 year old me still has a beard and watches wrestling. Unless his wife sucks. But, I would never let that happen to me. 

I just think time travel is such an interesting concept. I think overall, it would freak everyone out. I would scream like a rape victim if a younger me showed up, just the same as adult me would scream if I walked into his house. I think more often than not, I fantasize about time travel and the idea of it, because its an opt to make your life perfect. We are so consumed in the idea of perfection. Everyone wants things to be better, and we are consistently working towards that. I think I, of all people will refuse to stop attempting to make things better, no matter how good I think they are. While I don't know that that is a bad thing, I also am not so sure that it's a good thing. I think as long as we hold discontent with where we are, we will never feel okay. Which is something I have been thinking alot about. The whole idea of enjoying the journey, is nonsense to me. If you aren't progressing, you're regressing. So, in an effort to tie all of these loose ends I have created up, here's what I think. I think we can always be grateful for where we are, what we have, and the lessons we learn. But we can always be working for a greater purpose. This wasn't meant to be inspiring or motivational, It's just what I have been thinking alot about. And what I think about, I write about. So, stop dreaming of a time traveling machine, or a cure all for all your screw ups. Cause there is never going to be such a thing. The only person that can fix your screwed up life, is you.

False Advertising Really Grinds My Gears.

Have you ever noticed how most advertisements are false advertisements? I mean, that's not to say that all advertisements should be taken down for giving out false or misleading information. It is to say that most advertisements advertise only a portion of the truth. Have you ever watched a beer commercial? I have. They are usually about some happy half naked woman on a beach enjoying a nice Corona. 

As a man, I watch this and think about how nice it would be to walk up to someone like this, and purchase them a $3 beer, and then see where the night (or day. Whatever.) takes us. What they don't show, is that only girls that are overweight and missing teeth are the ones that drink Corona. The hot half naked women drink fruity drinks that cost near $10 for an ounce of alcohol. Which means you are going to half to purchase upwards of five of these drinks (that's $50 dollars on her alone for you math illiterates) in order to get this woman into a state of mind in which she is willing to make poor decisions with someone as unfortunate looking as you. 

They also don't show that women never take it slow, and usually end up puking in their purse, passing out, or other things that are entirely unbecoming of a woman. (That's why it's called white girl wasted. Cause more often than not, they can't handle their shit.) But, right then and there, it's a nice thought of walking up to a woman and purchasing her a bottle of carbonated goat piss, in which you squeeze a lime into, and you walk (Or stagger) into the sunset happily ever after. Until everyone sobers up. 

The other day I was driving and I saw a billboard for Goodwill. On this billboard there was a happy young woman that was wearing clothes that looked genuinely new. The sign said something about wearing it well, I don't remember. I do remember looking at this and thinking "No. No. No. No." First of all, the only time attractive women enter a second hand store, is either to find a costume, sweater or something else stupid in order to accommodate Christmas cards or something else stupid that women do. What they should have advertised on this billboard, was a kid with a mullet. He should be wearing a stained hockey jersey. Acid washed jeans that have a lot of holes in them, and construction boots. He should be missing one or two teeth, and the remaining teeth should be the color of yellow construction paper. The billboard should say "Because mom and dad had me out of wed lock, and can't afford anything else. Use a condom for the love of everything sacred." That would be the kind of person that shops at Goodwill for school clothes. Not joke clothes.

I saw a Dr. Pepper commercial recently that actually tickled my fancy. It was some guy that was out in the woods. It followed him through some daily activities such as eating bark, fighting bearing, canoeing and fishing etc. Should be right up my alley, right? Well, here's the thing. Its advertised for Dr. Pepper. Why don't they just do it for a tampon commercial? You can try and make Dr. Pepper as manly as possible. However, it will never change the fact that it is a bitch drink. Why don't they try and make diet coke manly? Oh, because they cant. We can't put Jeffrey Dahmer on Blues Clues now can we? No. Because it's contradicting. I'm sorry for every man that is out there drinking Dr. Pepper right now. Dump it out and get a Coke, or a beer that is dark, thick and disgusting. Then you can feel manly again. 

I think that we are all consumed in the thought of things being better than they actually are. At the end of the day, most things suck. I'm sorry to be the one to say that. Forgive me for being a downer. Things aren't always as they seem.

*COUGH* BULLSHIT!

So, that's it. That's the end of the blog. However, I am well aware that it is currently summer. And most people are running into walls as far as music goes. So, I wanted to just put up a little piece at the end here to let you know what I have been enjoying, and you can look into it if you so desire. Just a little public service. These aren't all brand new CD's, but they are what I have been listening to while driving a truck for 8 hours a day. And they keep me entertained. So, Take them or leave them. I don't care.

The Wonder Years - The Greatest Generation. I would be a liar if I said I have listened to the entirety of this CD more than three or four times. The reason being, I get caught up on songs that are so damn catchy and/or fitting for my life, that I listen to them over and over. The lyrics are honest, the music is punky. It's just a good CD. Be sure to check it out. Especially if you like catchy songs that relate directly to your life.

The Story So Far - What You Don't See. If you follow me on Twitter you'll know I have yet to shut up about these guys. But, I can't help myself. In the first 6 weeks of owning this CD, I had listened to the entire thing over 90 times. Which is absurd. But, I have yet to tire of it. It's solid pop punk that is so relateable to anyone who is struggling in life or a relationship. You'll find yourself singing right along with tears in your eyes. I have done it alot. 

Underoath - Define The Great Line. This is some of my favorite harsh/clean vocal duos in the scene. This CD is perfect if you are feeling lost as far as religion, life, or anything really. It seems to paint the picture for those struggling. Make sure and look up the lyrics and read along. It will mean alot to you.

We Came As Romans - Understanding What We've Grown To Be. This is my baby. I have listened to WCAR since they only had the Dreams EP out. I preordered their first full length the day it went on sale. So, I am always finding myself turning back to them. This CD is perfect for those (Like Underoath) who are lost. It doesn't deal so much with God, but about the world around us. And trying to understand things. This CD has put into words what I can't always express. It also holds one of the two songs that have ever made me cry. The title track made me cry like a little girl. 

The Dear Hunter- Migrant. This is just some good listening. Easy listening. If you don't like heavy music, but also aren't into the radio scene, check these guys out. You won't be disappointed. 

So, those are my playlists as of right now. It's easy to see that I have been struggling with alot. Which also explains my absence, and a somewhat dismal blog. My apologies. When I start getting it together, I will write stuff to make you laugh your pants off. Thanks for everything, and the tireless support. You guys are awesome. Smooches.

I Realized Who I hate The Most.

Look, I realize I have been absent for the past month. And I really don't have an excuse for that. I would say, oh man, I was swamped with finals, like everyone else. Everyone that I asked to hang out was always cry babying about finals. But, between you and I, I wasn't studying for finals. Also, I aced all my finals. So, F your logic. I have just been lazy. I guess I have also had a problem with writers block. I will seriously have a great idea for something at like 4 AM in the middle of a nightmare involving Ashton Kutcher, and then forget it when I wake up. My brain is a trickster. But, anyway, I have had alot going on. So, I apologize for being absent from your wonderfully pathetic lives.
I know alot of high schoolers. And in most cases, that isn't by my choice. I always thought middle schoolers were the absolute worst. And that is actually still true. The sad truth is though, high schoolers are just middle schoolers with money and a drivers license.
So, there I was. Sitting in McDonalds just burning some time between appointments. I wasn't bothering anyone just checking the stock market app on my phone, and enjoying a nice hot fudge sundae. And this gaggle of ass hat high schoolers deem it necessary to take the booth directly next to me. So, I think nothing of it and just keep about my business. And these idiots don't seem to have a volume knob. Or, it may have been broken off at decibel level 100000. Cause seriously, I couldn't even hear the talk show on the TV I was sitting directly underneath. And all I wanted to do was hear Rod Stewart preform his new song on this terrible talk show. Can I do that? Heavens no. I had to listen to this dumb ass yack about putting new plastic shit on his stupid shit Honda Civic. Also, more asshats convene with the prior asshats. The difference is, these were colored gentlemen and their decibel level was superceded the gangly white folks in the booth next to me. I literally almost fell out of my chair when this booming black man voice rattled the windows with "CRAIG MY NIGGA! I AINT SEEN YOU IN FOREVER! DAAAAYYYYUUUUMMM!" At which point I gathered my things and left the McDonalds to go somewhere where I won't be bothered with nonsensical conversations and loud black men who's whole aim is to frighten the shit out of me.
So, There is one lie that I told in this story, and the rest of it is entirely true. Can you guess what the lie was? You're right. I wasn't checking the Stock Market App on my phone. Because that app is entirely useless.
I hate it so much when people have the condescending attitude saying things like "Oh, you're just a young buck!" especially when you are only a few years older than I. But, the truth of the matter is, High schoolers suck. It's basically where your hormones peak, and everything is fifty shades of F-ed up. Like, I hear about high school relationships going south, and being treated like news that Mary Kate and Ashley are now cooking meth. Like it's the biggest and most terrible news since the holocuast. Really? I realize that it means alot to those kids, but the truth is, about .001% of high school sweethearts get married and stay married based on a study my brain did, and made statistics up for. Seriously, you get out of high school, and realize that all your relationships in high school were based on sex. Not love. You just want to jam your $90 jeans together. Not get married. And don't ever try and tell me different. Cause I will pirate kick you into tomorrow.
I don't mean this as a vicious attempt to bring any high schoolers down. Cause high school is fun, and should be. But, you should really stop taking yourself, your friends, and God willing your relationships so damn seriously. Cause, honestly, not a whole lot of it is going to matter in ten years. Sad but true.