Tuesday, May 21, 2013

False Advertising Really Grinds My Gears.

Have you ever noticed how most advertisements are false advertisements? I mean, that's not to say that all advertisements should be taken down for giving out false or misleading information. It is to say that most advertisements advertise only a portion of the truth. Have you ever watched a beer commercial? I have. They are usually about some happy half naked woman on a beach enjoying a nice Corona. 
As a man, I watch this and think about how nice it would be to walk up to someone like this, and purchase them a $3 beer, and then see where the night (or day. Whatever.) takes us. What they don't show, is that only girls that are overweight and missing teeth are the ones that drink Corona. The hot half naked women drink fruity drinks that cost near $10 for an ounce of alcohol. Which means you are going to half to purchase upwards of five of these drinks (that's $50 dollars on her alone for you math illiterates) in order to get this woman into a state of mind in which she is willing to make poor decisions with someone as unfortunate looking as you. 
They also don't show that women never take it slow, and usually end up puking in their purse, passing out, or other things that are entirely unbecoming of a woman. (That's why it's called white girl wasted. Cause more often than not, they can't handle their shit.) But, right then and there, it's a nice thought of walking up to a woman and purchasing her a bottle of carbonated goat piss, in which you squeeze a lime into, and you walk (Or stagger) into the sunset happily ever after. Until everyone sobers up. 
The other day I was driving and I saw a billboard for Goodwill. On this billboard there was a happy young woman that was wearing clothes that looked genuinely new. The sign said something about wearing it well, I don't remember. I do remember looking at this and thinking "No. No. No. No." First of all, the only time attractive women enter a second hand store, is either to find a costume, sweater or something else stupid in order to accommodate Christmas cards or something else stupid that women do. What they should have advertised on this billboard, was a kid with a mullet. He should be wearing a stained hockey jersey. Acid washed jeans that have a lot of holes in them, and construction boots. He should be missing one or two teeth, and the remaining teeth should be the color of yellow construction paper. The billboard should say "Because mom and dad had me out of wed lock, and can't afford anything else. Use a condom for the love of everything sacred." That would be the kind of person that shops at Goodwill for school clothes. Not joke clothes.
I saw a Dr. Pepper commercial recently that actually tickled my fancy. It was some guy that was out in the woods. It followed him through some daily activities such as eating bark, fighting bearing, canoeing and fishing etc. Should be right up my alley, right? Well, here's the thing. Its advertised for Dr. Pepper. Why don't they just do it for a tampon commercial? You can try and make Dr. Pepper as manly as possible. However, it will never change the fact that it is a bitch drink. Why don't they try and make diet coke manly? Oh, because they cant. We can't put Jeffrey Dahmer on Blues Clues now can we? No. Because it's contradicting. I'm sorry for every man that is out there drinking Dr. Pepper right now. Dump it out and get a Coke, or a beer that is dark, thick and disgusting. Then you can feel manly again. 
I think that we are all consumed in the thought of things being better than they actually are. At the end of the day, most things suck. I'm sorry to be the one to say that. Forgive me for being a downer. Things aren't always as they seem.
*COUGH* BULLSHIT!


So, that's it. That's the end of the blog. However, I am well aware that it is currently summer. And most people are running into walls as far as music goes. So, I wanted to just put up a little piece at the end here to let you know what I have been enjoying, and you can look into it if you so desire. Just a little public service. These aren't all brand new CD's, but they are what I have been listening to while driving a truck for 8 hours a day. And they keep me entertained. So, Take them or leave them. I don't care.

The Wonder Years - The Greatest Generation. I would be a liar if I said I have listened to the entirety of this CD more than three or four times. The reason being, I get caught up on songs that are so damn catchy and/or fitting for my life, that I listen to them over and over. The lyrics are honest, the music is punky. It's just a good CD. Be sure to check it out. Especially if you like catchy songs that relate directly to your life.

The Story So Far - What You Don't See. If you follow me on Twitter you'll know I have yet to shut up about these guys. But, I can't help myself. In the first 6 weeks of owning this CD, I had listened to the entire thing over 90 times. Which is absurd. But, I have yet to tire of it. It's solid pop punk that is so relateable to anyone who is struggling in life or a relationship. You'll find yourself singing right along with tears in your eyes. I have done it alot. 

Underoath - Define The Great Line. This is some of my favorite harsh/clean vocal duos in the scene. This CD is perfect if you are feeling lost as far as religion, life, or anything really. It seems to paint the picture for those struggling. Make sure and look up the lyrics and read along. It will mean alot to you.

We Came As Romans - Understanding What We've Grown To Be. This is my baby. I have listened to WCAR since they only had the Dreams EP out. I preordered their first full length the day it went on sale. So, I am always finding myself turning back to them. This CD is perfect for those (Like Underoath) who are lost. It doesn't deal so much with God, but about the world around us. And trying to understand things. This CD has put into words what I can't always express. It also holds one of the two songs that have ever made me cry. The title track made me cry like a little girl. 

The Dear Hunter- Migrant. This is just some good listening. Easy listening. If you don't like heavy music, but also aren't into the radio scene, check these guys out. You won't be disappointed. 

So, those are my playlists as of right now. It's easy to see that I have been struggling with alot. Which also explains my absence, and a somewhat dismal blog. My apologies. When I start getting it together, I will write stuff to make you laugh your pants off. Thanks for everything, and the tireless support. You guys are awesome. Smooches.

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