Bucket List, Smhucket List.

I was doing my regular shift today, and was working in units around the painters. My prior interactions with said painters has been far from pleasant. On one occasion I heard one young guy tell his comrade that he drank too much and wet the bed, in his girlfriends bed. The other is with this guy i fondly refer to as the "Garbage pail kid", we were outside and he started conversing with me, and at one point he offered me one of his very cheap cigarettes. I have been working around the garbage pail kid for several weeks now. I know that his name is Travis, he has told me on several occasions. But, to let him know that wee aren't friends, I constantly call him by the wrong name. Today we were working and he relayed a message from the head painter and I replied; "Thanks Stuart." I also almost made myself laugh. This has absolutely nothing to do with this blog, I just thought it was funny.
A few things have brought my thoughts of composing a "Bucket list" Although I consider myself a simple living man and don't have many ambitions outside of a full nights sleep and full meal, I too have things that I would like to do before I die.
I have always thought that bucket lists were grim. I am making a list of things I must do before I die. What if you don't finish the list? You obviously don't get a second shot at it. Do you not get to heaven cause heaven is only for winners? Maybe you'll get reincarnated as a seagull and can travel by your own power to all the places you would like to go. If I got reincarnated as something, I would probably pick a couch throw pillow. Mostly cause you can still watch TV, and be uncomfortable when people try to sit on you.
Well, seeing that heaven is a long shot anyway, I am making my list and holding absolutely nothing back. Because I believe in myself, even though nobody else does. So, I am sharing my list with you to hopefully get you to start thinking about death and stuff and get real with yourself.

-Buy something I don't need that's more than $500
-Write a song that's so awesome Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Kanye West get run out of America and forgotten.
-Beat the shit out of Luke Bryan.
-Get the shit beat out of me by John Travolta
-Star in a film that outdoes Box Office sales for Avatar and Titanic combined.
-Win and Oscar before Leonardo DiCaprio.
-Play a concert at Mile High stadium and sell it out.
-Costar a film with Patrick Swayze.
-Have my life made into a movie with Kevin Bacon from Footloose cast as me.
-Win a boxing match and pull an American flag out and wear it around.
-Chokeslam The Big Show and Kane at the same time.
-Be the Main Event at Wrestlemania and beat Vader.
-Jump through a table from the top ropes.
-Buy a motorcycle.
-Beat Jean Claude Van Dam at a martial arts fight.
-Be on tour with Coheed And Cambria, Between The Buried And Me, Circa Survive, A Lot Like Birds and Kenny Rogers all at the same time. But I am the main event. Tickets will be $250 for nosebleeds.
-Sleep for 24 hours straight.
-Play on the Chicago Bulls with Michael Jordan, Dennis Rodman, and Scotty Pippen and have them all talk about how much better at basketball I am than they are. Then trade to the Jazz and win our trophy's back.
-Hit a walk off win home run at AT&T park and have Buster Posey hug me at home plate then we go get a steak together after the game is over and everyone carries me on their shoulders.
-Buy a house.
-Find a baby bear in the woods and take it home and raise it. He also will maul anyone I don't like.
-Catch a game winning touchdown from Peyton Manning at the Super Bowl or Pro Bowl.
-Do a back flip.
-Be on Cops whether as the predator or the prey, doesn't matter.
-Drive a Maserati and make it go 200 MPH in a 65 MPH zone. Then outrun the cops.
-Bowl a perfect game.
-Be the best guitar player in the world.
-Have someone ask me for my autograph.
-Do a stand up comedy set, and have everyone love it.
-Eat all 6 Costco muffins in one sitting.
-Drive an ambulance for a day.
-Fight someone on top of a train.
-Shoot a bazooka.
-Make a TV show that goes on for 15 seasons.
-Make a clothing line that is awesome.
-Walk the red carpet.
-Be on the cover of GQ for best dressed, but not changing my current dressing habits.
-Solve a case that England has been trying to solve for years, then paint the American flag on Big Ben to announce that America is the best, and I am better than Sherlock Holmes.
-Go to a fancy dinner party in a Broncos/Giants/Mavericks jersey.
-Have a watch that shoots lasers.
-Be an international spy.
-Organize then destroy a drug ring.
-Set a building on fire.
-Have a limb replaced with a robot arm with gun capabilities.
-Fight the dinosaurs at Jurassic Park
-Get married.
-Beat the Man Vs. Food guy in an eating contest.
-Get really buff and have all the girls that turned me down get really jealous.
-Be a war hero.
-Have kids.
-Win the lottery.
-Build my own house.
-Win an award that the whole town is in attendance for my receiving of.
-Cook the best meal in the world.
-Live in the mountains, completely self sustaining for two years.
-Play in the NHL and get into tons of fights.
-Be a voice in a cartoon.
-Be a guest star on Even Stevens.

This list isn't in any particular order. And I know I am missing a few things, but this is the bulk of it. Whether or not I complete this list before I die, I couldn't care less. I would die happy if I died tonight. That's how everyone should live.



P.S. This is the final call for any Valentines that you would like to receive from me. For those wondering, no I have not sent them. Get after it.

storytimewithjake@yahoo.com

P.P.S.S. Jon P told me to give him a shout out, so if you read this text me and let me know you got my shout out. If I don't hear from you, I will throw a brick through your window.