I'll Be Your Valentine.

I think a majority of social media posts at this time of the year are very clever and lonely people bitching about being lonely. I have seen far too many posts about people having dates with themselves and being alone on V-day. While, I am absolutely no stranger to being alone on Valentines, I also think it's horribly obnoxious that people deem it necessary to post stuff like this. THERE ARE TONS OF PEOPLE ALONE ON VALENTINES DAY. 

Look, Valentines day sucks for everyone. Well, I should just say men. See, if men are in a relationship (or just dating someone) It's implied that you have to pull out all the stops on Valentines. Dinner, movie, flowers, chocolates, and probably other weird stuff I'm not filled in on yet. I also hear a bunch of stuff on the radio (While I am at work, obviously) about buying jewelry and stuff. Like, damn. Sucks to suck.

Plus, if you're a man and alone on Valentines, you're alone on Valentines. While most men wont admit it, most feel some sense of regret/loneliness.

I'm not saying it's different for a woman being alone on Valentines, that's obviously also awful. Because you're alone on Valentines. However, being in a relationship on Valentines and being a woman is obviously awesome. You get treated like royalty. Apparently some guys buy girls jewelry on Valentines. Which would be nice.

So, in my infinite wisdom I have devised a plan to make those who are alone on Valentines feel better. I have created an email address to which you can send me your home address and I will send you a Valentine. Personally written, designed and autographed by me. Which means its entirely meaningless and worthless. But, I felt like it would be a good thing to do for you dweebs. Also, this isn't limited to those who are single. I will send you a valentine whether you are married or widowed or single or bitter and lonely.

I also want to say that these Valentines will be worth receiving. And I am putting a lot of thought into them. Also, I wont divulge any information you submit, and wont send you any chain mail. 

So, I hope to get a lot of replies, and you can send your address and name here (Fake names suggested)

storytimewithjake@yahoo.com

Any Submissions after Valentines will probably still be honored, but more vulgar. So send me stuff before Valentines.

Also, I am going to open up this email to any questions you may have. If you need advice on anything, or whatever. Don't expect quality answers, but I will reply to your questions in a dedicated blog post. So post the name you want me to address you as, or I will make one up for you. I think an advice column by me would be really funny.

Again, sorry for my absence. It's been a wild year, I hope that you'll let me make it up to you by sending you Valentines. You'll be seeing more of me. Unfortunately for you.