When I was in high school I went through a phase with my friends where we loved gambling. We used to play Texas Hold 'Em, Between The Sheets, Black Jack and so on, and actually put our own money at stake. One time I was at my friend Matt's house, there was 3 of us, and we were playing Texas Hold 'Em. I think I put a total of $10 at stake and played directly against this other person Landon. My friend Matt was the dealer. A hand came up that I felt like I had a good shot with; I don't remember the cards. I decided not to call and the other person took the pot. When I asked to see what his hand was so I could compare, he answered "You gotta pay to see." and hastily handed his cards in to be shuffled through a new hand. That has stuck with me over the years, "You gotta pay to see." Matt ended up rigging the deck and drawing me 3 aces to win my $10 back and an extra $10 from the other player, but that's not really relevant, just thought you might want to know. (True story)
I was thinking about gambling and the bets I have won and lost over the past few years, which have easily been the most influential I have ever lived through. I stress "lived through." In those few years I have gambled with a lot of things that don't revolve at all around my money or even anything monetary. But I have learned that the most gambling you will ever do is with your own emotions.
I was looking through some old pictures the other day and came across a few that were dated almost a year ago to date. I was living in Salt Lake City for about 6 months and had started what I thought was going to be my career doing Drywall with my Grandfathers company, it had exchanged hands and was now being run by my cousin(in-law?). I genuinely thought that this was my life's calling since I was just a kid. My dad did drywall for 40 years, and now I thought it was my turn to step up. I put all my eggs in this basket. And for a while, it was awesome. I was living with some of my only lasting friends, who were extremely hospitable and tolerant. But, like my dad had somewhat foreseen, the job began to decay. I had to pick up side work and start a job at a gas station to pay my bills. At one point I worked 90 hours a week for a couple of weeks. As I watched what I thought was my career fade, I also let myself fade. I was absolutely miserable for a huge amount of time. I let circumstance rule and felt I had lost control of everything.
I'm going to speed this next part up, for the sake of being overly sentimental.
My friend called not too long after I was spiraling down, and told me he had a job and a place for me to live in San Francisco. The Giants were in the Playoffs, I was going to make a good amount of money at a job I did the summer prior and loved, and I could live with my best friend. It was genuinely the perfect storm. So I packed all my shit, quit all my jobs and moved to California 2 days after. (I realize now that this is some peoples life long dream to move to SF, and I somewhat took it for granted. Keep good friends around; they're invaluable.)
Long story short; I found myself again. California cured what was ailing me, and made me realize that there is so much more to life than being a victim to circumstance. And that there is seriously beauty in every footstep, you just have to understand that it takes rain to grow roses. I was the happiest I had been in years. And it felt so good to be genuinely happy. Plus the Giants won the World Series, so that was a plus. I was and am so grateful to my Correnti family for saving me from myself, and giving me purpose again.
Alas, there is always a twist in the plot. In theory, I should have stayed in California forever and lived happily ever after. It would be absolutely ludicrous to move away from the only thing that made me sane. I did. However, there are 2 sides to the story as to why. I told my best friend and coworkers that I was moving back to go back to school, which was half true. I also have a tendency to get miserably homesick, so that didn't make my decision making easier. The truth was, I was moving back so I could be with a girl I had been back and forth with for almost 2 years. I couldn't really explain that to my best friend. Because he was back and forth with a girl for almost 3 years. So he told me that I was being thick, and that I was leaving SF on a whimsical chance that I MIGHT get together with this girl who had eluded me for 2 years now. And honestly, he was right. I had shed tears, chased her all over, stayed up til 3 AM to talk to her when she messaged me on Facebook from Nepal (humanitarian trip), and lost far more sleep than I care to mention. But for a reason I will never be able to explain, I felt good about it. I felt that it was finally my turn to have my cake and eat it too. So I went. I packed all my shit and moved back to the place I had sworn I would never return to. All based on a feeling.
Fast forward a few months, and I marry the same girl I had been chasing for so long. And to be curt, I could not be any happier. My wife is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am extremely grateful for her. I seriously could not say enough good things about my wife; we have an awesome relationship. I'll spare too much gushy stuff, though. I'm thankful I had the guts to go move away from the only thing that made me happy, on a chance of attaining happiness I never knew existed. Worked out well for me. Life has a strange way of turning the tables in ways you may never be able to figure out or understand, unless you're looking backwards on it.
I guess what I wanted to say is this: Gamble. You have such a strange connection to the universe and your gut feelings can dictate more than you will ever comprehend. I truly believe that you should always act on your instincts; the universe has taken thousands of years to evolve you into who you are, and you should never underestimate your own ability to feel and know things you don't understand. I know that sounds like some Matrix bullshit, and I'm asking you to pick a blue or red pill. But I just felt like this is something overshadowed. It would be a shitty life if you lived in fear like I always did in poker. Because in so many ways; You gotta pay to see.
I don't want this to come across as like: I have a gut feeling to punch my dad in the face.. WELL THEN DO IT! What I mean is that if you feel strongly about something, regardless of what it is, act on it. Keep a balance of heart and head. Because had I taken my friend(s) advice, I would have never left SF. Would I still be there and be happy? Maybe. But those people didn't know or feel what I did. And I am thankful that I rolled the dice.
Above all, make the choices and decisions that are going to make you happy. Whatever those decisions are, and however hard they may be. It's incredibly cliche, but life is short. There is no reason to spend your life miserable. Stop taking shortcuts and making temporary decisions on happiness. That's just something I truly believe; everyone deserves to be happy. Except assholes and bad drivers.
"Take comfort in the cadence on the bond we share." -Counterparts
P.S. Mets in 7.
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