Relationships Are Subjective. So Stop Trying To Push Your Shitty Ideas On Me.

First and foremost, I checked the views this blog has had, and it has just hurdled over 100,000. Which to some major websites may seem minimal. To me however, that is unreal. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I honestly didn't think people read this. I hope it provides you with even minimal comic relief, and in some way helps as much as it does me.

I realize it's been a while. I have just found that it's hard to bitch about things when your life is going fairly well. I say that with a hushed tone due to fear that someone might hear. At any rate, I have (inevitably so) something to caterwaul about.

I updated my Snapchat the other day, and I'm not really sure why. I don't use Snapchat. It seems like just a weird and somewhat sneaky way for high school kids to send pictures of their genitals to each other and not having any concrete evidence for the principal to use against them. But, that's a discussion for another day. On this Snapchat update, there was a feature that let you go through several different magazine and TV station's headlines for the day. To be honest, at first I was quite amused. I thought it was novel, and a quick way for the pervert that invented Snapchat to grab some cash. But I stumbled across the Cosmopolitan magazine part of the update. Look, I don't really know why I decided to look through it either. It was a Tuesday afternoon and I wasn't doing anything better, okay? Sue me. The things that were written in that section were not only degrading, generalizing, and awfully objectifying, but poorly written. I'm not entirely convinced that they have accredited journalists hired, but a bunch of pubescent teenagers writing and editing the articles therein. Honestly, how can people manage to read such trash? Laying aside all content, how could you allow yourself to not only read, but support a magazine that publishes incomplete ideas, sentences that are full of vocabulary from a shitty Disney Channel TV show, and grammar mistakes a 9th grade English temp should catch? I realize that my grammar and punctuation can be bad, but I'm not writing for a nationwide magazine that is being sold in stores, am I?

I guess getting past all of that and moving onto the content awakens a whole different demon. The "relationship advice" is what really irks me. I don't understand how you could generalize someones relationship to the point that you feel like you could give the entire nation advice on it. Relationships aren't a statistic that can be measured and calculated like a batting average or earned run average. It's something so subjective and that varies from person to person 100% of the time. It's like trying to tell people they need to change their favorite color or kind of pizza they like, because you like this one best. I just feel like telling people that you punched your boyfriend in the face during intercourse, and it changed your relationship for the better, and that everyone should do that is literally insane. Regardless of what your advice is, it is horribly assumptious of you to blanket statement every pubescent/middle aged woman that reads this magazine in such a way. And that they should not only read your advice, but take it and apply it to their lives and hard earned relationships.

Wading past how stupid blanket statements make a company/person look, lets venture further into the idea of taking advice from a stranger. How are you to know that the person who wrote this article isn't some wrinkly old cougar that only dates boys of 18? Or perhaps it's some bitter middle aged divorced broad that won a Land Rover from her most recently failed marriage (of 5 total.) And she feels that she is qualified to give advice to people on their personal relationships, and even further sex lives. Speaking of that, have you ever read the smut they publish about how to make a better sex life? Cringe worthy, at best. I guess tying all these loose ends together; taking dating/relationship/sex advice from a stranger is about as worthwhile as your marijuana dealer regulating your depression medication. There's a really good chance that they don't know shit; they just want your money.

I guess I just really want to get to the heart of this. If you're taking advice from anyone who isn't your mom or dad, what kind of life are you leading? If you really wanna know how to work out an issue or find out what your significant other likes, ask him. Seriously. There's a certain beauty that's held in learning and growing that people are trying to short cut. Stop. Go mess things up. Get your heart broken. Fall out of a truck. Whatever. Just always be learning and growing in the process; whatever that means to you. Don't look for relationship advice, look to create and learn your own. The world is a beautiful place and there are so many people that you can form new and meaningful relationships with, it's crazy to think you would even waste a second to pour over a magazine that literally means nothing, and knows nothing about you. Everything is subjective, and personal. The only way to solve problems you are having, is to figure them out on your own.

Also.

Dear England,

Stop trying to push your shitty fashion statements off on me. Gapped teeth does not look good.

Regards,

The rest of the world. Especially the USA. It's no wonder we rebelled (And won)