I often wonder if I am the only one who completely mis-understands the concept behind social cues. It may have everything to do the fact that I hate everyone, but if it were up to me to save the world by reading social cues, we would all be dead. I have a hard time telling whether a hand shake or a hug is more appropriate. I usually end up giving business associates hugs, best friends kisses on cheeks, and girls I have crushes on sturdy handshakes. I guess my business associates think I'm a little personal, my friends think I'm gay, and so do the girls I like. Maybe I just need to sit down and straighten things out, but I don't think that even being on MTV's Guy Code could save me. I have had more conversations with my friends, little sister, and mom about reading social cues from people than I care to mention. "Hey, if she sends me a winky face, that means she's probably in love with me, right?" The more I think about that, the more I come to terms with it. The real reason behind it, is that I have walked across college campus, and I have done alot of people watching. For example, I have had more people approach me while I am wearing headphones and try to strike up a conversation with me, than when I am walking without them. Exponentially more people. What I don't understand, is what they are thinking. If you see someone wearing headphones, the likelihood of them hearing you, is incredibly low. The likelihood of them wanting to talk to you, is even lower. And the likelihood that they want to take out their headphones to talk to you, is non-existent. Yet, people still approach me, and seem to not understand the said concept. What boggles me further, is that I am positive they can hear my music. Everywhere I travel, it's like a metal concert on my head. If you get within a 5 foot perimeter of me, you can hear what I am listening to. Quite clearly, at that. I think if you read this and try to approach me in public after, I will probably punch you in the ear. As socially retarded as I am, I still understand alot more than most people. I can still look at people and think, what the hell is the matter with you? It happens more than it ever should. So, I have compiled a list of things that you should probably do, and never do. Especially if you ever get invited to the palace during King Jakes reign.
1. Bring people who aren't invited to things you didn't organize, or otherwise had a hand in. Especially if it's a she.
2. Don't bring your girlfriend to manly things. While we all want your girlfriend to be liked, if I have to explain why the WWE is awesome one more time to an ignorant woman, I might have a panic attack.
3. Don't approach people who are frowning or otherwise look morose. While we all want to be the day saver, the chances of that actually happening are slim.
4. If you have a crush on someone and want to date them, tell them. Too often (myself included) we hide behind our social medias, and cell phones. Liking everything someone posts on Facebook or Twitter doesn't send a message that you like them. It's kind of like waiting outside their house to say hi to them every morning. It's a little weird.
5. If someone is mean to you, it's probably not playful banter, they probably generally dislike you as a person.
6. Shower, brush your teeth, apply copious amounts of deodorant, and if possible wear cologne or perfume.
And finally, 7. Look in the mirror before you leave. If you might be mistaken as a homeless person, you may consider changing.
While these are only the rules i think should be applied to society, you should probably follow them now. Cause they will be mandatory in the future. I could go on and on about this subject. And how much I HATE it. But, that would be too much like beating a dead horse. We all get it, yet we all act as if we are paralyzed from the neck up.
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