It's hard to write content.

I recently came across the saying "Being happy is a choice." I always felt like that was bullshit. I felt like happiness often depends on your environment. It depends on the people who are around, and inside your life. It depends on the amount of stress in your life. It depends, it depends, it depends... For a vast majority of my life I have been living it not necessarily for others, but more for others approval. I have always done things that will make my parents proud. That my friends would approve of and enjoy. What strangers and people I don't care about would laugh at or find amusing. I was so consumed in myself, that I was willing to do things that make me unhappy for the satisfaction of others. Which I always thought was a selfless thing. I always felt a sense of entitlement because I was so "selfless".
I was so drawn out on others approval, that I couldn't make simple day to day decisions. When asked where I would like to eat, or what movie I would like to see I would always answer "I don't care. Whatever you want to do." Because I was willing to sit through an awful movie, or eat unsatisfactory food if it made this other person happy. I always felt in my heart that this was a good thing to be doing. This was something that is very rare in the world. And now that I am saying this out loud, I realize how crazy that is.
When people ask me what I like to do for fun, I always draw a blank. I don't know what I like to do. I like to do whatever my friends like to do. Play Xbox, cards, watch movies, road trip, gamble, anything my friends are doing, that's what I like to do. Which makes me sound like I don't have a personality. I know of a few things that I love to do; Eat. Sleep. Listen to music. Above all, I know for sure that I love to do these things. But I don't know of any hobbies. And that much is sad.
See, I always felt like in order to be happy, a set amount of things has to happen. Regardless of what they may be. I got in a fight at a concert a while back, and I was happy for a long time after that. It was like finally closing the door on that point of my life. Or eating a delicious meal in San Francisco made me very happy. Too often I rest my happiness contingently on events that are far out of my control. I could go to several concerts, and may not meet an enemy of mine in the pit. I could go back to the same restaurant in San Francisco and it may not be as good. I feel like this is a fault line of mine, and where this "Happiness is a choice" can come into play.
If you are like me and dwell on bizarre events of the day, and either let them make you or destroy you, there is a lot to be said about choosing to be happy. See in my simple opinion, You can dwell on the things that make you unhappy, or things that make you happy. You can focus on the hardships in your life, or the things that make your life awesome. In essence, happiness IS a choice.
Laying aside all the events that make you unhappy, and things that are beyond your control, I have learned one valuable lesson. When you run into seemingly unbearable hardships, which we all do, how you deal with it is totally up to you. I have learned that the depth of your mourning and sorrow is totally upon your head. If you do like I have been doing for the past several months, you may never get over it. If you lock yourself in a dark room alone for several hours, if you listen to sad music for extended periods of time, if you watch movies that play on your sad emotions, if you never make an effort to get better, you never will. I feel like hiding under the covers or ignoring the monster under your bed wont make him go away. However, getting out of bed and walking to where he cant follow you might.
I guess what I am getting at is, don't be a bitch like I was (am). Don't mope around your house for days on end. Don't listen to sad sack music so much that you can repeat every depressing detail about the song. Don't shut your friends and family out when you need them the most. Don't get hung up on something that is beyond your control. And most of all, don't let it consume and change you. Get up. Get out. Get better.
I am in no way a motivational speaker. But I have had this on my mind a lot recently. And it is my deepest wish that no one has to fight the same fights that I have, in the same depressed way that I have. I just wanted to put this out there. You can love it or hate it. I don't care anymore.

Reasons To Stay Fat

I was browsing Facebook the other day and came across someone I knew from high school. The first words that came out of my mouth upon seeing this persons photos was: "Holy shit! She got fat!" I probably shouldn't say that about people I at one point had an  intimate relationship with, but oh well I guess. I got to thinking about what people might say about me when they see my most recent pictures. I basically concluded that they would probably say "Well, he looks the exact same."  One of the many benefits I have concluded about being fat in high school is that people wont say degrading things about my weight when they see me now. Cause I am virtually the same bearded loud mouth I was 5 years ago in high school. Eat that.
This lead me to start thinking about some of the other benefits about being fat. Since they are in abundance, I will spell them out for you.
With Thanksgiving coming up, people expect you to eat a lot. You don't have to be polite or dainty by any means. You can stuff your face violently and often, and no one will think twice about it. Too often I hear people ask thin people "Where do you put all that food? Do you have a hollow leg?" They don't have to ask me where I put my food. They know it goes right to my ass.
It's acceptable to take up more than one seat in public places. When another seat opens up in an airplane or bus, more often than not, the idiot that is sitting next to you will sit there, so as to not be crammed with your lard ass on that seat.
Your clothing choices are often limited. Some may think that this is an issue, but with so many choices, how do you ever find what is best? When you have to shop at Lane Bryant like I do, it makes picking out clothes easy. And in the off chance you shop elsewhere, their plus sizes are usually scoured, so you have only a few choices. When I go shopping, I am usually done long before my idiot friends are because I have seen everything in my size. Twice.
You fit in at buffets.
Your ride choices are sometimes limited at amusement parks to make your choices easier.
It's much easier to break a sweat when on a "Workout" plan.
Eating healthy can mean anything.
People don't question you when you ride a jazzy around Wal Mart
If/when you lose weight, it's usually way more noticeable than an average sized person.
Using the handicap stalls in bathrooms is always nice, and you can justify that.
Going back for fourths is always greeted warmly by the chefs (Although you may just be extra hungry)
They say that you will die sooner, but then you will have to deal with less idiots. Bonus.

Being Fat And Other Talents

I was talking with my friend recently, and he expressed to me the reason he won't be getting married any time soon by saying, "girls don't like me because I am immature." (Which is  paradoxical, because girls are horribly immature.) I laughed, but retorted by saying "Girls don't like me because I am fat. At least one day you will grow out of being immature, I will ALWAYS be fat."

We had a good laugh, And I remembered one of the conversations I was eavesdropping on during my math class the other day. I hate listening to people, and usually have my headphones in. I say that to better explain myself if you have the misfortune of seeing me on campus. Anyway, there is a bunch of dweebs in my math class, and they all sit on the front row, which makes them all the more dweeb like. Even though I sit on the back row alone, with the occasional company of some Asian girl who usually sleeps through class. These dopes were having a conversation, and it was something along these lines. "The reason I am fat is because I come from a long line of Vikings. We have been bred by natural selection for generations to survive harsh Scandinavian winters. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change my physique. I will be fat until I die." I scoffed aloud, because I believe the same thing. The reason I know I am bred for harsh winters, is due to the fact that I am covered in hair and fat. I feel like if there were ever a cold front to come across the US, you would all be frozen to death, and I would be ransacking your local Taco Bells. Naked. Not having lost a pound, and treating every day as if it were normal. I once shaved for an interview, and grew my beard back in a matter of ten days. I could make a onesie out of my beard in about a year, and be looking like something out of Where The Wild Things Are.

I guess what I'm getting at is that everyone has cool things about them, and everybody has things about them that suck. My friend might be immature, but he's pretty damn buff, and handsome. Not to mention one of the coolest and most genuine dudes I know. I am big boned, but I can grow a nice beard, and have a knack for creating swear words and making things horribly uncomfortable. Plus I have a sophisticated palate, and great taste in music. 

At the end of the day, I wonder how people would feel when their significant other can't survive a zombie apocalypse, vampire takeover, werewolf outbreak, cold front, or just when shit gets crazy and people are killing each other off. I hope most people are happy with their choices in a significant other, but I hope they regret the shit out of it when their lovers handsome face can't save itself from being eaten by something out of your nightmares. This isn't an attack on anyone. I just want to raise awareness to guys, you should sharpen your skills.