Being Fat And Other Talents

I was talking with my friend recently, and he expressed to me the reason he won't be getting married any time soon by saying, "girls don't like me because I am immature." (Which is  paradoxical, because girls are horribly immature.) I laughed, but retorted by saying "Girls don't like me because I am fat. At least one day you will grow out of being immature, I will ALWAYS be fat."

We had a good laugh, And I remembered one of the conversations I was eavesdropping on during my math class the other day. I hate listening to people, and usually have my headphones in. I say that to better explain myself if you have the misfortune of seeing me on campus. Anyway, there is a bunch of dweebs in my math class, and they all sit on the front row, which makes them all the more dweeb like. Even though I sit on the back row alone, with the occasional company of some Asian girl who usually sleeps through class. These dopes were having a conversation, and it was something along these lines. "The reason I am fat is because I come from a long line of Vikings. We have been bred by natural selection for generations to survive harsh Scandinavian winters. There is absolutely nothing I can do to change my physique. I will be fat until I die." I scoffed aloud, because I believe the same thing. The reason I know I am bred for harsh winters, is due to the fact that I am covered in hair and fat. I feel like if there were ever a cold front to come across the US, you would all be frozen to death, and I would be ransacking your local Taco Bells. Naked. Not having lost a pound, and treating every day as if it were normal. I once shaved for an interview, and grew my beard back in a matter of ten days. I could make a onesie out of my beard in about a year, and be looking like something out of Where The Wild Things Are.

I guess what I'm getting at is that everyone has cool things about them, and everybody has things about them that suck. My friend might be immature, but he's pretty damn buff, and handsome. Not to mention one of the coolest and most genuine dudes I know. I am big boned, but I can grow a nice beard, and have a knack for creating swear words and making things horribly uncomfortable. Plus I have a sophisticated palate, and great taste in music. 

At the end of the day, I wonder how people would feel when their significant other can't survive a zombie apocalypse, vampire takeover, werewolf outbreak, cold front, or just when shit gets crazy and people are killing each other off. I hope most people are happy with their choices in a significant other, but I hope they regret the shit out of it when their lovers handsome face can't save itself from being eaten by something out of your nightmares. This isn't an attack on anyone. I just want to raise awareness to guys, you should sharpen your skills.