Reasons To Stay Fat

I was browsing Facebook the other day and came across someone I knew from high school. The first words that came out of my mouth upon seeing this persons photos was: "Holy shit! She got fat!" I probably shouldn't say that about people I at one point had an  intimate relationship with, but oh well I guess. I got to thinking about what people might say about me when they see my most recent pictures. I basically concluded that they would probably say "Well, he looks the exact same."  One of the many benefits I have concluded about being fat in high school is that people wont say degrading things about my weight when they see me now. Cause I am virtually the same bearded loud mouth I was 5 years ago in high school. Eat that.
This lead me to start thinking about some of the other benefits about being fat. Since they are in abundance, I will spell them out for you.
With Thanksgiving coming up, people expect you to eat a lot. You don't have to be polite or dainty by any means. You can stuff your face violently and often, and no one will think twice about it. Too often I hear people ask thin people "Where do you put all that food? Do you have a hollow leg?" They don't have to ask me where I put my food. They know it goes right to my ass.
It's acceptable to take up more than one seat in public places. When another seat opens up in an airplane or bus, more often than not, the idiot that is sitting next to you will sit there, so as to not be crammed with your lard ass on that seat.
Your clothing choices are often limited. Some may think that this is an issue, but with so many choices, how do you ever find what is best? When you have to shop at Lane Bryant like I do, it makes picking out clothes easy. And in the off chance you shop elsewhere, their plus sizes are usually scoured, so you have only a few choices. When I go shopping, I am usually done long before my idiot friends are because I have seen everything in my size. Twice.
You fit in at buffets.
Your ride choices are sometimes limited at amusement parks to make your choices easier.
It's much easier to break a sweat when on a "Workout" plan.
Eating healthy can mean anything.
People don't question you when you ride a jazzy around Wal Mart
If/when you lose weight, it's usually way more noticeable than an average sized person.
Using the handicap stalls in bathrooms is always nice, and you can justify that.
Going back for fourths is always greeted warmly by the chefs (Although you may just be extra hungry)
They say that you will die sooner, but then you will have to deal with less idiots. Bonus.