I got roped into it again the other day. Fortunately she has enough days off and gets bored enough, that she has watched the entire second season while I have been working. So I don't have to get spooked again and run from my car to my house while wearing slippers and basketball shorts.
My wife likes that show because she is always trying to stand in someone else's shoes. Always asking the 'why?' question. So Mindhunter is a show that is right up her alley, because it's literally trying to understand why serial killers did what they did.
You see, this is a question that I have never, and will never ask. I don't really want to know what Ted Bundy was thinking when he lopped some poor girls head off with a hacksaw. I don't know why I would ever need to know that information. I'm satisfied with the answer: "That guy? Oh he's absolutely crackers. Steer clear of that guy, because he LITERALLY murders people." I just can't understand why I should pause to think "Okay, yeah he took someone else's life but, like......... Why?" There are certain things in life that I simply do not need to know. Something else I don't really need to know is: who's idea was it to have chamber pots? Who on God's green earth was like "I want to shit in my room and leave it there til morning"? Just another thing that sure, I could probably google and find out, but I am content with not knowing.
Maybe it's because I lack empathy. I have never really cared to know what someone was thinking or feeling when they made a decision. Because to me, if you have already made a decision, for better or worse, it doesn't really matter what you were thinking or feeling because now you/we have to deal with the consequences.
The real reason, I think, I never want to know what someone is thinking, is because I pray to God daily and nightly that nobody ever has to know what I'm thinking. While sure, most of the time it's the toy monkey clashing the cymbals together that's going on in my head; which is better known as nothing. I am thinking nothing. I am feeling nothing. I am breathing perfectly good air that someone else could be using to nurture their brain that propels them to cure cancer, or invent something that eliminates big oil companies and drives billionaires into the grave for good. And I am sitting around wondering what flavor Blue Raspberry is in real life. Often I will catch myself thinking something so profoundly stupid that I should write it down in a book to remind myself of what a fraud I am whenever I get haughty. I never do that because if someone ever found a little black book in the top of my toolbox that said things like "What if a toilet could weigh your shit?" or "What if they had a candle that smelled like a fart when you lit it and you could prank your family and friends?" and all other forms of bathroom/penis related humor, I would likely get arrested.
Here is a list of other idiotic thoughts that I have had that should be in the aforementioned book, but I am sharing with you:
What is the purpose of a goatee other than looking like an asshole?
Who were the first people to give and receive a titty twister, and what chain of events led them to that juncture?
How many asses has my ass touched by proxy of toilet seat?
Do you think if you put someone else's tooth in your mouth, it would taste different than your teeth?
What's the purpose of letting famous people into establishments for free? They have more money than everybody else, they should pay more.
Why do things that make you fat taste so astronomically, insanely, prodigiously much better than things that make you skinny?
Did the person who invented skim milk's mom not love him very much?
Do you think the first person who ever farted thought it was hilarious, or was that humor developed over time?
Who ever thought of eating cheese? Like just one day you're like "Boy this spoiled milk is uhhhhhh delicious."
If I made as much money as Bill Gates, I would probably end up weighing 900 lbs and they would have to hoist me out of my billion dollar house with a crane and bury me in a burial plot the size of a football field. Because all I would do is fly around the world and eat.
Someone is the fattest person alive right now and they might night even know it. They think they're just some regular fat ass, when in reality, they are THE fat ass.
Someone is also the dumbest person alive, and they definitely don't know it, but everyone they associate with does.
People who are adamant that pineapple doesn't belong on pizza need a new hobby.
They should stop arguing about whether being male or female is harder and just agree that being alive is hard.
Life is so good right now that we are making up problems for ourselves because we are bored. 300 years ago there was no such job description as a 'fantasy football analyst' or 'professional video game streamer'. They were all just farmers or hunters because they were trying to not die. And now we live in the most amazing time in human history and all we do is stand around and bitch at each other because someone believes that you shouldn't be allowed to buy a bazooka at Walmart and the other person believes that doctors shouldn't be available to help EVERYONE, just rich people. I don't really have a way to wrap up that thought, it's just something that I was thinking about. That we live in this amazing time and we all hate each other and want to kill each other and steal all their money and eat all their steak.
I hope that this clears up any questions you may have had for me about the hit Netflix series Mindhunter. See you next time. (In hell)
Here is a list of other idiotic thoughts that I have had that should be in the aforementioned book, but I am sharing with you:
What is the purpose of a goatee other than looking like an asshole?
Who were the first people to give and receive a titty twister, and what chain of events led them to that juncture?
How many asses has my ass touched by proxy of toilet seat?
Do you think if you put someone else's tooth in your mouth, it would taste different than your teeth?
What's the purpose of letting famous people into establishments for free? They have more money than everybody else, they should pay more.
Why do things that make you fat taste so astronomically, insanely, prodigiously much better than things that make you skinny?
Did the person who invented skim milk's mom not love him very much?
Do you think the first person who ever farted thought it was hilarious, or was that humor developed over time?
Who ever thought of eating cheese? Like just one day you're like "Boy this spoiled milk is uhhhhhh delicious."
If I made as much money as Bill Gates, I would probably end up weighing 900 lbs and they would have to hoist me out of my billion dollar house with a crane and bury me in a burial plot the size of a football field. Because all I would do is fly around the world and eat.
Someone is the fattest person alive right now and they might night even know it. They think they're just some regular fat ass, when in reality, they are THE fat ass.
Someone is also the dumbest person alive, and they definitely don't know it, but everyone they associate with does.
People who are adamant that pineapple doesn't belong on pizza need a new hobby.
They should stop arguing about whether being male or female is harder and just agree that being alive is hard.
Life is so good right now that we are making up problems for ourselves because we are bored. 300 years ago there was no such job description as a 'fantasy football analyst' or 'professional video game streamer'. They were all just farmers or hunters because they were trying to not die. And now we live in the most amazing time in human history and all we do is stand around and bitch at each other because someone believes that you shouldn't be allowed to buy a bazooka at Walmart and the other person believes that doctors shouldn't be available to help EVERYONE, just rich people. I don't really have a way to wrap up that thought, it's just something that I was thinking about. That we live in this amazing time and we all hate each other and want to kill each other and steal all their money and eat all their steak.
I hope that this clears up any questions you may have had for me about the hit Netflix series Mindhunter. See you next time. (In hell)
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