A Confession.

I don't really like animals. Or people. I think what is the most shocking to people, is that I don't like animals. I don't like puppy breath, I don't like animals hair all over the clothes I worked hard to pay for, and launder. I don't like that they not only invade my space, but more especially my real personal space (my goodies). I feel like every animal on the planet has a sixth or more sense that says "You need to step on this guys ding dong. He hates animals so we have to step on his no-no's." Or smell them or whatever. The point is, I just don't like animals. You know what is a great animal? A fish. That bastard causes the least damage ever. You feed him twice a day, he never tries to mess with your funny parts, he doesn't leave your clothes in disrepair, and he is kick ass to look at. I don't want a dog or cat, I just want a fish tank. I don't even want glamorous fish either. I will settle for some goldfish.

Aside from how stupid people must feel bagging their dogs shit in a nearby park, I feel like dogs cause so many problems in life. It's like paying for a child in your life, but one that isn't going to grow up and end up wiping your ass for you. It's going to be good for a while, then that little bastard is going to die, and its gonna be all sobs and running make-up. I feel like if Grandma died, there would be good reason to cry. She talked to you, made you cookies and stuff, bought you presents etc. All a dog ever did was shit on your lawn, tear things apart, and bit the neighbor kids. Animals die in the woods every day, and we don't cry about them. And they have more reason to be wept over. They didn't require anything of us. They weren't constantly begging me for things and ruining my life. 

Let me level with you guys. There is a profound reason as to my distaste to animals. When I was a kid, I had a dog. His name was Chief. He was a Blue Heeler, and he was blind. We got him for free cause our other dog would make a good lead dog for him. So, Chief was my dog. And I loved him. We had so much fun together. Well, as it turns out, one day, I came home and Chief was no where to be found. I was convinced he had run away. So I did what any sensible 6 year old would do, I went looking for him. I rode my big wheel up and down the streets of Draper Utah screaming "CHIEF" at the top of my lungs. It was like a movie. But, to no avail. He was gone. I was pretty upset about it. I looked for Chief for 5 days in a row before I gave up. Ever since then, I knew that dogs (And subsequently women) all eventually run off. And I warded them off forever.

Here comes the kicker. I had thought Chief had run away for 13 years of my life. It wasn't until 3 years ago that I learned that my parents told me that they had to give him away. So, that made me feel silly, but didn't erase the pain of a broken 6 year old boys heart.

I have ever since then hated dogs. I hated how happy these idiots were with their dogs. Their dogs weren't as cool as Chief! If I was going to be miserable, everyone should be. So, I carried on and loved things that would never leave me. Pokemon cards, to be precise. I eventually moved onto vinyls, and I am sure I will move onto something else. I think at the end of the day, I learned one lesson above all. Love something without legs. Cause if it has legs, it will probably run off one day.