I have a dear friend that attends BYU. I don't hear from him terribly often, but when I do, I am always glad to. One time, he and I were at a concert and this kid came up and sucker punched me in my head. So my friend elbowed him in his head repeatedly, until he left the concert. It was one of the greatest things that I have ever witnessed. Not that any of this has to do with the story. But, it does go to show that he is one of the coolest cats I know. So, I get a text from him saying that he is going up to his cabin with some friends and would love if I were able to tag along. I was happy to be a part of something. He did say that he was bringing some friends, and I was welcome to do the same. Unfortunately for me, my friends all suck. So I was going to make this venture on my own. I had my reservations seeing how he was probably going to bring his family home evening group, and I am a foul mouthed Snow College bandit that does nothing more than raise hell. But, I was always happy to go and stir the pot, ruffle some feathers and make some people uncomfortable.
After a long drive through Fairview canyon, I finally made it to the general location of the cabin. I was lost for a minute or two, but my friend Blake came down off the mountain to find me. When we pulled up to the cabin, there were kids in button up shirts outside playing horseshoe and saying "Sweet merciful heavens!" when they would get close but miss. My first thought was that this could not be more stereo typical. I came strolling up in a black Story So Far shirt, SF Giants hat, and carpenters shorts. I haven't had my hair cut in almost a year, and my beard is reaching a length that looks more and more like Al Queda every day. I look like the last time I went to church was when the priest dunked my head in the water as an infant. I felt like I was on one of those movies when someone criminal walks into the lunch room and there is an overwhelming silence, and everyone quietly whispers to one another, but never takes their eyes off the culprit. If I drank, I would have cracked open a beer at this moment and taken long pulls on it. I resorted to a knock off version of sprite instead and sat on the floor and stared at everyone. I wish I had a lazy eye and could've given people half hearted drooly stares like I had just recently been out of prison and this was my first interaction with people. I just couldn't do it... Yet.
Everyone got bored talking to and looking at each other, and decided they wanted to play a game. So, they decided to play twister, without the twister board or the spinner. Which was bizarre. Basically, it was trying to stomp on each others feet and try to push each other over. Which sounds right up my alley right? Well, it was still early in the night and I didn't want to make everyone look foolish just yet. But, rest assured I would have won. I just stood and watched with my arms folded like I was scouting talent or something.
It started to get dark and everyone thought it would be a great idea to go out and play night games. And hopefully not get mauled by a bear or cougar. Or mass murderer. So we venture out into an open field and made ourselves perfect bait to get murdered, raped, or both. We started hooting and hollering, and seemed like we were trying to coax leather face from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre to come out and play. But, in reality we we're trying to figure out which night game to play. I sat on the ground with an eye always on the hills just in case I see anything or anyone approaching and I can run like hell and leave them to get scooped up to die. Have these kids never seen a horror film before? I mean, The Grudge doesn't count. Or any PG-13 movie for that matter. We finally landed on Manhunt. A game where two people go hide in the woods and the rest go out to find out where they are hidden, and everyone dies. Literally. Like, we go on this mountain side looking for the people that are hidden. Hopefully we don't step in a live trap, a tiger pit, or something I haven't even thought of yet. So, the kids run off and we count to 40. Then everyone ventures up this mountain side in an effort to find the two that are now hidden. I try to get them to laugh out loud to reveal their hiding place by saying things like "Blake! Your mom is on the phone! I told her you're in the woods with some other boy!" but that wasn't enough. I walked up this mountain face, got things in my hair and scratches on my legs, and almost had a tumble or two. Finally we found where they were, and decided we had had about enough of that game. So, back it was to arguing about what game to play. Finally we landed on... Missionary Tag. SURPRISE!!! If I had a dollar for every ironic moment, I would have somewhere between 35 and one hundred dollars. I give that cushion because I wasn't paying attention for most of the night. Because I was too focused on saving my own ass when a murderer comes to send all these college kids to heaven. Missionary tag was a game where there was one person running and another chasing and you had to link onto someones arm to be safe or something. I don't really remember the rules. It was dark and I would just push people and run away. After everyone had had their fill of running around (Which I had mine before the game started) We decided it was time to go back to the cabin. Where it was safe.
When we got back to the cabin, everyone was jumping up and down about a new game to play. Which was beyond me. These damn kids couldn't just sit still for a minute. After some heated debates, we decided to play a game called Smurf. In essence, you pick a verb, and then two people have to ask questions until they guess what the verb is. Of course, the verb has to be a G rated verb. No verbs like dumpster hump or pantie raid allowed. I liked this game mostly cause I would sit in a giant lounge chair, and answer the questions. But, this game also involved the turning point for the night. I got a little ahead of myself and threw out a "Dammit!" They took me outside after that, and tarred and feathered me. Which only made me swear more.
After a series of other games in which you try and find who is the most intelligent and I won them all, it was time to wind down. I was thinking of turning on Rambo or Terminator to settle me down to where I could go to bed. But, they all settled on Heavyweights. Which, is one family movie I fully endorse. Something about fellow fat kids just resonates with my soul.
I finally retired onto a bed that smelled strangely like my grandma's house and slept like a baby. Until they were all up at 8 am having scripture study or something else loud. At the end of the day, I had a lot of fun with these kids. I think just before I went to bed they finally all realized that I, too was LDS and a returned missionary. Not an ex convict. Being an RM and knowing what kids go to BYU, I have my reserves about hanging out with their kind. But, for a night in the woods, these kids can keep themselves pretty entertained. Sober, nonetheless. I think I would get exhausted of showing my intellect and comedic genius every night. And not having ranuchy comedies, and dirty conversations to keep me entertained. But, there was never anything wrong with trying something different. And getting back in touch with my more holy side. It's been a while, after all. Rise and shout.
No comments:
Post a Comment