I have a hard time understanding the difference of why people say things are so much different in clubs in and out of Utah. I'm going to go ahead and tell you the only differences that I can perceive between the two. Because frankly, they all kind of suck. Clubs in Utah will generally block out the shits, damns, and farts in their music. There is usually less people that are on drugs, or alcohol in Utah clubs, which isn't always a bad thing. Clubs outside of Utah also generally will have more skin showing. Otherwise, it's shitty ass house music being played so loud that it alters the proper functioning of your involuntary muscle movements, alot of people sweating all over each other, and a bunch of sleaze balls trying to pick up the easy men/women. Okay? So stop trying to make comparisons. Clubs across America are the same, and suck equally.
So, I don't really even know how I got roped into going to a club last night. But, in the end we decided it was a great idea. After a half hour or so of cycling through the three button up shirts I had, we finally were out the door. We jumped in a cab, and it was some East Indian guy that was talking to us and I couldn't really understand him. Cabs in and of themselves kind of suck. So, we finally get to the club, and the line is wrapped around the block. Which was something I couldn't understand. It was like people waiting to get into a concert or something. But, there was no good bands playing. We stood in line for like twenty minutes, and I almost wet my pants. We asked this security guy with a pony tail, that was also wearing a kilt if there was any way we could just go to the bathroom and come back to our spot in line, and he wanted 40 bucks. So we told him to go suck eggs.
When we got into the club, I instantly lost my sense of direction. The music was playing so loud, and there was just people everywhere. It was a miracle I found the bathroom. I feel like this club was mainly designed to weed out any epileptic people before they get into the club. The lights were blinding, and even if you looked at the floor you had to squint when they were flashing. Seriously, the music hurt. I have been to so many metal concerts, and nothing has made my ears hurt quite like this did. Shitty ass dub step music.
So, the club name was Bootie. Like, pirate themed, but also has a nice butt innuendo. But, not to combine the two to make butt pirate and have more gay jokes being sloshed around. So, obviously I was going in there expecting to see some butts. Girl butts. But, unfortunately for me, there was about 4 guys to every one girl in this club. I would be dancing and enjoying myself, and find myself in the midst of four guys as sweaty as me. So, I kept moving, and it seemed like every girl in the club was making out with some Asian guy, while his three friends observed. Just, sausage fest. The biggest one I have ever attended. Sleepover parties had nothing on Bootie last night.
I think what was more weird to me, was that at certain areas in the club, there was a congregation of gay people. Like, eight dudes kind of huddled around each other establishing their territory. And I know they were gay cause they were touching each others necks/faces. A lot of the times I would see them making out with each other also. The problem I had was not staring at them when they would be making out. People making out is so uncomfortable. And that isn't even exclusively for gay people. It was weird when heterosexual couples were making out. But, what was more bizarre, was when I would see three people in one make out session. I didn't even know things like this existed. But, I saw three mouths smashed up against each other on multiple occasions. Someone is getting screwed in this deal. There has to be one person that is getting like alot of cheek/beard/mustache/nose/eyebrow and not enough mouth. But, I guess you probably lower your standards when you consent to kissing two people at one time.
After finally dancing my way around all the couples, gays, and Asians, I found myself at the door ready to leave. I was ready to leave the fog machines, the sweat, and most importantly the overwhelming amount of testosterone in the building. How someone can attend these clubs on a phsycadelic, is beyond me. I would be laying on the floor watching the lights and try and make sure my heart doesn't explode. I feel like clubs are just a way for people to go, get drunk, and meet up with other drunk people that are down to knock boots. In theory, that sounds great. But, what people don't always take into account, is the scraps. See, scraps is a term for the leftovers. All the handsome assholes, and the fly honeys seem to find each other. And they will take a cab to the nearest pay by the hour hotel. Then, whoever is left, is the scraps. I was falsely mislead into believing that there was only women scraps that were left at clubs. And that you could just fly in like a vulture, and pick some scraps and go home. But, the truth is, there was a lot more left over men than women. Last night, I was the scraps.
Truthfully, I was thankful to be some leftover scraps at this kind of club. I feel like there was a high risk of coming home with a nasty case of crabs from a place like that. I have never been one to go and hook up with a girl for one night. For a couple reasons. The first being I am not really cut out for that sort of thing. One night stands mainly lie in the hands of kids who wash their laundry on their abs, then dry it on their ego. Those guys are always assholes, and I don't really care to be loosely associated with them anyway. Secondly, I would way rather talk to someone, and get to know them as opposed to just getting thirsts quenched for free. I get way too emotionally attached to people. When I like someone, I really like them. And it's always apparent. I can't find it in myself to just work it with someone and never really talk to them again. Plus, who wants that anyway? I mean, it's all fun and games for a few years, but at the end of the day, the town bicycle never marries. Nobody wants a whore for a wife. People really ought to have more respect for each other, and more importantly, themselves. Take some pride in yourself. Have some self worth. Be better than meeting your demise in a drunken mans bed. Say what you want; oh, he's just bummed out cause he didn't score. He doesn't know he's just some bearded portly white kid. he would be different if he could get hookups for a night blah blah blah. All I ever hear is "I'm a big asshole." We'll see who's right in fifteen years. Good luck at the strip clubs!
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