Adult Stuff That Isn't In Reference To Anything Sexual.

I haven't been a grown up for very long. And by very long, I mean I have never been a grown up. I mean, by age, I have been an adult for 4 years now. I can buy hooch and go to strip clubs if I damn well please at this point in my life. However, You have to act like an adult to be an adult, in my opinion. 

Acting like an adult. I never really understood what that meant until very recently. And even with that, I still don't get it entirely. I always thought that meant you're just 18 now, and you do whatever you want. However, 18 year olds are about as adult as Justin Beiber fans are connoisseurs of music. They're still brainless kids. No offense to any babies out there. But, I think in my effort to being an adult, I have compiled a list of things that you have to do in order to consider yourself an adult. Otherwise, You're just a shit. 

First and foremost, adults hold their liquor. There is nothing more I hate than sloppy drunks. We have a name for people that get so drunk they tell strangers that they love them, it's called "White Girl Wasted." The reason we call it that, is because when these little bitchy high schoolers drink, they belly up to a bottle of Green Apple Pucker and drink it until they can't feel their face, or legs, or feelings, or morals. Then they fall all over everyone and are annoying as all hell. And it isn't even exclusively for white high school girls. They just fit the stereotype the best. Here are some tips to being a successful drunk (as if there ever was such a thing.) One, don't over do it. Drink until you feel good. Don't drink until you piss your pants. There is a little trick I have heard about, it's called the Nog Knock. When you're pounding your flavored vodka shots, after a few, double up your fist, and knock on the top of your head like it was a door. If you can feel it, keep drinking. If you can't feel it, stop. It's seriously that simple. Another tip, Make sure to put your keys, wallet, and cell phone all in one place. Preferably in a sober person's pocket/possession. Nobody wants you to drive drunk, drunk text, or blow your money. And the most important tip of all, don't be a jackass. Okay? Easy Peasy.

For years now, I have worn nothing but band shirts, wrestling shirts, hockey jerseys, and other kinds of t-shirts. Honestly, my wardrobe has never varied from that. Shorts and a t-shirt. It's functional and mostly bad ass. But, this is what young Jake dresses like. Adult Jake can't really dress like that. Not if he is going to be King. At least, that's what I have been told recently. I think fashion is such a tender subject. Because you can go from looking good to looking like an asshole really easily. That's why I never ventured too far. I just always pulled off the under acchiever look. And that has worked for me up until now. I was talking to one of the most kick ass guys I have ever met. And he dresses pretty handsomely. In regard to his clothes he said "I dress so I can cash a check anytime I want to." Pretty profound. You can't walk into a bank looking like the depressed kid you are. You need to dress like an adult to do adult things like cash checks. So, on top of re-thinking my wardrobe, I also got a haircut. While I am in a band, the whole long hair thing wasn't working out too great for me. I looked like I played college baseball and chewed a can a day. Which I thought was fine. But, truthfully, it's unbecoming. So, now I look like I am trying really hard to look okay. Which I am. Adults dress nice.

I could go on and on about table manners and so on. But, I just wanted to talk about these certain things. Just because I have been thinking about them alot recently. For whatever reason. Hate it or love it.