Doing It The Hard Way

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and think, I can count ten things I would rather do than leave the house today? I can actually name all ten of mine every day. The list never changes, Unless i am actually doing something on my top ten. For example, I cant say "I would much rather be at Chuck E Cheese right now..." (which happens to be number one on my list) If I'm playing Skee Ball and winning way more tickets than every other kid in the place at Chuck E cheese. I'll write down my list to satisfy your curiosity.

1. Be at Chuck E Cheese.

2. Be watching WWE Monday night RAW, or Friday Night Smackdown.

3. Eating pancakes in Lumberjack apparel.

4. Be at Matt Peterson's house.

5. Playing Red Rover.

6. Reading the Bernstien Bears.

7. Building a raft/cabin with my bare hands.

8. Be at a local Wal-Mart and judging people.

9. Watching Arthur.

10. Eating free samples of food at Costco.

On any given day, you could walk up to me and say; "Hey Jake, what do you want to do today?" I would in turn reply with any and all of these answers. In truth, anything is better than school. I would rather go roller blading, and crash, naked, than do homework. If school wasn't the only thing standing between me and being filthy rich, you could bet every dollar you had that i would've dropped out eons ago. The point is, i spend far too much time doing the exact opposite of what i want to do. Unfortunately, you have to do a lot of things you don't want to do in order to start doing things that you do want to do. If you want to be rich, you have to go to school or be elected King of America (Hmmm...) If you want to marry someone, or just make whoopie with someone, you have to go on dates. You'll also run into a lot of creeps down that avenue, like me. Don't worry, you can blow me off too. The point is, this world is a horrible place to live. I hope things are better when I'm living on the moon with Newt Gingrich. If all goes well, there will be Arthur on all the TVs at the Chuck E Cheese's on the moon. Let's just say that things don't work out. I don't get elected King of America (God forbid) the moon idea for some unknown reason doesn't work out, then what? As if King Jake doesn't have a back up plan... I have thought a lot about what i should do with my future. Seeings how i hate everyone, I spend a lot of time planning routes to avoid people, and my social life has dwindled rapidly, I have come to a few basic conclusions. The first, I'm leaving civilization. You know the crotchety old man on TV that always yell at people to get off his lawn? He and i have a lot in common. The difference is, kids wont get a chance to walk on my lawn, or lack thereof. I will be living so far away from everyone, kids would be hard up to drive to my house, much less walk on my lawn. I am going to build a house in the woods, or in the desert of somewhere. No one will bother me, i will be 100% self sufficient, and no one will be around to make fat jokes or harm my self esteem with demeaning texts, not to mention, try to convince me that i should shave. The way i see it, all my ideas combine into one great master plan. I'm king of the desert, I can have a woodchipper in case some gypsy stumbles across my land, I will eliminate any and all contact with the people i hate so desperately, and I wont spend any money on dates. It seems as though it's too good to pass up. Don't come looking for me. My true friends will know where to find me. So, when life gets too hard, and you wonder why you keep doing things you hate, there is always a better alternative. Just don't.