Strip Clubs Are Trashy. So Are The People That Visit Them.

I can't honestly admit to ever visiting a strip club. As breath taking as that is. I can, however, admit to having seen a lot of movies where they visit strip clubs. From the longevity of whatever strip club they appease themselves to, all the way to my living room couch, I feel like I just swam in a dumpster filled with Crisco and left over french fries from Burger King. In other words, dirty. I felt really freaking dirty. Not that I was appalled by what I saw, or anything like that. The fact that I had vicariously been put in a state where i had to pay money to get girls, was... gross. Although that is not too far a state from where I am at now, I still have some sort of dignity. In a world where you have to pay people to see them take their clothes off, is a world where I would rather not live. I was listening to a song the other day. It's called "Invisible" by some crappy 90's band. It's a story where this guy was watching this girl through her bedroom window. If anyone has heard this song, and has not run through the motions of watching someone through their bedroom window, is most surely a liar, and a cheat. You can't hear such a song and not put yourself in that position. As I sat mulling over that thought, while simultaneously thinking of how trashy strip clubs are, and eating string cheese, I had a million dollar idea. What if we took all of those ideas, and mixed them into one. Sit down, because at the end of my idea, you'll be on your feet. What if we made a dress club? Instead of people taking their clothes off, they were putting their clothes on. Picture a scene where a man fresh out of the shower, wearing nothing but a smile, and a towel, steps onto a stage, which looks exactly like a bedroom. You sit anxiously as he goes through the motions of dressing. The best part? You don't have to be quiet while he gets dressed! He knows you are there, so you can cheer for whatever outfit you think would be best. Steve Irwin outfit? You got it. Hobo? You betcha. John Stockton look alike? Only if you cheer loud enough. The opportunities are endless in dress clubs. Where in strip clubs, you have one option. From clothes on, to clothes off. Your childhood dreams are fulfilled in a dress club. It's not like that pesky husband who doesn't wear what you want him to. The "dresser" doesn't have a choice. He does what he's told. Like a woman who can't talk, it's perfection. It doesn't end there though. Instead of scary bouncers dressed in black, they will be scary bouncers dressed in clown outfits. Its so much less intimidating when he looks friendly. Don't mess with him though. He has a squirty flower that is filled with mace. Not only that, but, full meals will be served at dress clubs. You can actually eat off the table and not cringe. Because nobody's bare bottom has been where your hands and food are now. We will have an extensive menu that includes, but is not limited to, Grilled Cheese, Macaroni and cheese, chicken nuggets, hamburgers, hot dogs, frozen burritos, pizza, chicken, and you get a side of apple sauce, or fries. The drink menu is also extensive. From juice, to chocolate milk, we will have it all. At the end of the day, it's another get rich quick plan. I'm so tired of being poor, and going to college. It's like a pyramid program, except I'm the only one who makes real money. People could make a lot more money, if they were more imaginative, and sucked less. 10 years from now while you are traveling in a big city, and you see a sign that says "JB'S DRESS CLUB"  you'll know that I'm not too far off, sitting in a Love Sac that is filled with water and goldfish, smoking a whole bag of smarties, and counting all my money. Don't bother me though. My right hand man, and Co-founder, Morgan Walkenhorst, will not be far off. He's ruthless and will have the clowns chase you out macing you the whole way. You should've thought about talking to me before i was rich and ruggedly handsome. Eat my shorts, gold diggers.